Dear eyes,
You’re getting old, aren’t you? You’re making me take full advantage of the zoom/enlarge feature of the new computer. You love it when I borrow large print books from the library. You make me squint, you dislike it when I go from close work to far, and you really hate it when the boys stick stuff thisclose in front of you to see. Can we stop with the fun and games? I mean, I love the enlarge feature of the computer, but I’m tired of feeling old. Gimme ten years. No, twenty. No, I take that back. Don’t.Change. Reeeallly don’t care to have bifocals.
Squinting as I re-read,
Blinky

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Dear A,
Grandma and Grandpa are coming for an unexpected visit this weekend. In fact, they’ll probably be here before I finish this post. You don’t know they’re coming; we didn’t even know for sure until Wednesday and thought we’d keep it as a surprise. Here’s the thing, kid. We haven’t seen them since Thanksgiving, when you had a world-class meltdown at their house, and Grandpa suggested we seek therapy. Ya think you could hold it together til Monday, bud? I’m still recovering from the whole music concert incident on Wednesday, not so sure I would handle a repeat meltdown in front of the grandparents very well.
My liver and I are begging,
Mom

(addendum: they did indeed arrive before I finished this post, and if this gets up on Friday, it’ll be a miracle)

(second addendum: it’s now Saturday afternoon and this still isn’t up)

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Dear Colorado Board of Education,
You rule next week on whether to override the district’s denial of our charter school application. Please choose wisely. Pretty please with sugar on it. With sprinkles, whipped cream, and a side of MYSANITY biscotti.
Wanting to work on a charter school and not have to find a full time job for private school tuition,
Jen

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Dear delightful spring weather,
I know you’re janking with me. Yes, it is warm and sunny today (catch the note that it’s now Saturday?), but I know that it’s a faux spring and a blizzard is likely to kick us in the teeth between now and May. Maybe even twice. So thank you for allowing me to sit outside and soak up the rays, but I still don’t trust you.
Glad I put on sunscreen,
The solar-powered mom

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Dear Fogo de Chao,
I love you and your enormous salad bar and your unlimited skewers of fifteen different kinds of meat.  I love that you participated in Denver’s Restaurant Week, so two of us could eat for $52.80 and not nearly twice that amount. I love you. Can we be BFFs? My arteries aren’t as thrilled, but I’ll give you a promise ring and everything.
The mere thought of bacon for breakfast this morning made me green,
Jen

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Dear cold that’s trying to take over my life,
Bugger off.
Drinking ColdNip like water,
She who sounds like a phone sex operator
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Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Dear 2006,

What did I do to you? Seriously, did I pee in your Cheerios one morning and not know it? February is over, 2009 has blessedly passed, and yet…things are still askew. Thinking back, waaaayyy back, I came to the conclusion that things started going awry when it was your turn to lap the sun. Let’s recap, just in case you plan to play all “Wha?” with me.

I started off that year with a month-long regimen of Prednisone, for a sinus infection I didn’t have. Oh? When in that year? February, of course. I packed on 20 pounds in that short month…and my body has grabbed onto an additional ten, just for giggles. I’m fairly convinced that was the trigger event that pushed me into gluten intolerance, and am starting to believe that the drug managed to jank up my metabolism so well that weight loss may be harder than it should be. I’m working out more than I ever have, don’t eat crap, and yet I can’t drop the pounds. Pretty pissed here, 2006.

Once the doctor determined that it wasn’t a sinus infection giving me such face pain, but the fact that I was clenching my teeth so hard in my sleep that I was pushing a tooth into my sinus cavity, I got a bite guard. I have now chewed through aforementioned bite guard and will need to replace it this summer.

I trained for a 5k that year. Walked one in September because, dear 2006, I couldn’t train once A was in school. I was spending too much time in carpool. That changes this year. I signed up for a class at the rec center, training for a 10k, and a friend is talking me into run/walking a half marathon with her in August. I think I may do it.

Speaking of A, this was the year from hell, when all things hit. He started kindergarten (which wasn’t really prepared for a gifted kid), began occupational and vision therapy, had his tonsils out, and began ADHD meds. All.Of.This.Is.Still.A.Concern. You suck, 2006, for bringing this on. Really? All in the same year? I suppose you find it amusing that we’re still dealing with the vision therapy, that I now carry deep regrets about the ADHD meds and his growth, and that behavior/emotional concerns are still an issue?

Oh, and let’s not forget who came into my life that fall, dear 2006! Princess the PMSing Laptop! She sashayed into my home in November of that year and almost immediately started causing trouble. Bitch. But her reign of terror is now over, and in her place is a shiny new MacBook Pro (name TBD, though I really do like MacDreamy).

These were just the low highlights, 2006! There was so much else going on! We finished our basement (still paying for it), celebrated our ten year anniversary (miraculously still together), and started a home-based business (have since left). But the best part, dearest year from hell, was this blog. This little writing project was born that year, and has brought me more friends and supporters than I ever could have imagined. You can’t take that from me. Ever. The people who read here, who leave me comments, who carry me through the hard days when I just can’t do it myself…they are the best part of that year. And they have stuck around, God love ‘em.

So go blow it out your ear, 2006. You’re done here. I’m moving on. I will drop the 30 pounds you piled on me, I will run a half marathon, I will support and love and fight for my son until the day I die, I will dropkick Princess off the roof give Princess to my husband, and I will reach out to the people who have reached out to me. I’m no longer your pawn. So tell your little year friends, in particular 2010, that I’m back. And I’m not taking any more crap.

Love and kisses,

Jen

Oh, the joys, the joys. You know when the principal of the school rubs your back and says, “He’s one of the most complex kids I’ve ever seen,” that she’s starting to realize that you’re not making stuff up. This is the same principal who was the district’s GT coordinator. Who has a Masters degree in gifted education. Who studied with George Betts. At least now A’s teachers…principal…random people in the hallway…know I’m not making shit up.

I suppose I should back up a bit.

Tonight was the 3rd grade specials showcase. A chance for the kids to show off what they had learned in art, music, PE, and computer lab. The PE teacher was going to lead them through a dance with the parents, the art teacher displayed the Carnivale masks they made, the computer lab teacher let the kids show off the Power Point presentations, and the music teacher had a little program of three songs with hand chimes.

And our son, spawn of two formally trained musicians, re-freaking-fused to participate.

We’ve been trying to gently encourage him to move out of his comfort zone. To push himself a little. I worry that by giving in to him too often that he’ll grow up to never try anything that’s uncomfortable or different. So we brought him to the showcase tonight and it just went downhill from there.

A curled up in the hallway by the music room and tried not to dry heave. For fifteen minutes I talked to him, cajoling, sweet-talking, encouraging. His music teacher (someone I went to grad school with…sigh) tried to talk to him; she knows he’s a strong singer (on pitch). The principal tried talking to him. His friends asked him if he was ok.

And he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t get up and walk into the music room. Couldn’t go into the gym to sing. He has the strongest will of anyone I’ve ever seen, and he managed to convince himself that he couldn’t do it, that he would literally get sick if he did. He was well past fight-or-flight.

The principal, God love her, took him to watch the kids sing. I stayed in the hallway to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I eventually made my way in, and sat behind A. I was still too raw to sit with him. And once the kids started singing, the tears flowed.

This was the world I envisioned, the one with happily singing kids and proud parents with video cameras. How I envied the families in the audience, calmly enjoying an evening’s entertainment. I had to turn around and face the wall to hide my quiet sobbing; thankfully I was back far enough that no one could hear me. That is not my world, and won’t be. Our oldest son will always march to the beat of his own drummer, and little I do can change that.

Once the music and PE part of the evening was over, A dragged us to the computer lab (with only the briefest of stops in the art studio). And proceeded to show us every.single.thing. that the Mac could do. The computer lab teacher was so happy with his work.

I know, in the grand scheme of things, that this is not a big deal. I know there are other parents out there with much bigger problems, much more difficult kids. But I think the challenge here lies in appearances. By all accounts, A looks entirely “normal.” And he’s not. He is so smart, but his intensities set him apart and make life difficult for him. I’m honestly at a loss as to what to do. Things had been going so well for him lately.

Tomorrow is another day, one in which I clean for an unexpected visit from my in-laws.

Today, March 1st, ranks up there with Thanksgiving, my birthday, and the afternoon of the first gin and tonic of the spring as my favorite day of the year.

It is the furthest I will be from February for another trip around the sun.

It’s the little things.

What? It’s been a week since I last posted? Really? Hmmm…wonder why that might be? Could it have been because I didn’t have a functional computer? Could it have been because I got the new Mac on Thursday and have been learning it since? Could it be that life moves at the speed of OH MY FREAKING GOD and I’m not able to catch up? If you answered all of the above, you win!!!

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I need a name for the new computer. My friends have sent in some good suggestions, but I want a few more. I’m about to just name it Dude, but since I call my boys Dudes, don’t know if that will work. Help me name my new sexy toy!

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A real, live post is up over at Hopeful Parents today. Something well thought-out, with a beginning, middle, and end. Not the random snippets that are here tonight.

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If the earthquakes that have been hitting suddenly break apart the earth a la Pangaea, know that I’ve loved our time together. I’m saddened by the destruction in Chile, but oh-so-glad that the tsunami seems to have taken it easy on Hawaii. I didn’t realize until this afternoon how badly I want to go back there, and wanted it to be in one piece (or rather, seven islands) when I return.

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February? Go away already. I can’t begin to express my joy that tomorrow is the last day of the month. It has been 27 days of bad news, and it needs to end already.

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Anyone seen my mojo? Is it off partying with yours? I’d really like it to return. I’m hoping that Monday will mark the end of its extended vacation and I can return to feeling…oh, I don’t know…human again.

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And if there’s anything more exciting than doing laundry on a Saturday night, don’t tell me. Not sure I could handle the excitement.

Karma: What goes around, comes around. See also Grandma’s description: God’ll get ya, every time.

4th Commandment: Honor your father and mother

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We trekked into church for the first time in several weeks today. Tom has been traveling on the weekends, and while I’m a strong woman, I’m not strong enough to get the two boys to a church 35 minutes away by 9:15 on a Sunday morning. Getting them there would require Bailey’s in the coffee, and then I couldn’t drive, so yeah, there’s the reason right there I didn’t bother. Tom had a rehearsal, I had to pick up music, and we thought we should probably make an appearance before the fires of hell burn brighter for us. Or something like that.

The boys are generally pretty good during the service, but they do get antsy after awhile. So they usually make the trek to the basement bathroom at some point, usually mid-sermon. I let them go, and my last words to them are always, “Come right back.”

Uh-huh.

They didn’t come back, they didn’t come back, they didn’t come back. Finally, right as Tom was about to go downstairs and crack some heads, J thumps upstairs (yeah, we’re so proud) and stage whispers at about 95 decibels, “A’s hurt (mumble mumble), nose, downstairs.” Tom hurries downstairs to check on him…

and doesn’t come back, doesn’t come back, doesn’t come back.

Sigh.

Is it too much to ask for a quiet, meditative service? This is why I play the liturgy any chance I get. I get to sit up behind the choir, no one talks to me, I can enjoy a quiet hour. Ahhh…

So, just as I was about to head downstairs to make sure body parts were all where they were supposed to be, Tom brings A back up with a bloody nose. Only my child could get a bloody nose at church going to the bathroom.

Turns out that the boys took their respective leaks, then snuck into the preschool that’s in the basement. And discovered a New!Teeter!Totter!

See where this is going?

A got smacked in the nose farting around on the teeter totter instead of returning to the service.

And got a bloody nose.

And a lesson on karma.

With a heaping side of the 4th Commandment.

As Mom always said, God’ll Get Ya, Every Time. And now I have proof.

and then turns right around when it realized it was being shipped to my house.

Princess’s reign of terror is over. As of 5:30 MST today, she has been replaced. The shiny new toy will be here by the weekend.

Now, to think of an appropriate name for it…

Still here, haven’t been dragged off for shooting Princess the PMSing Laptop in a momentary lapse of judgment (note: not only do I not have access to a firearm, I’ve never fired one). She’s still not working worth crap, and I made the executive decision this morning that I’m giving her up for Lent. Yes, I’m fully aware that today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent and already I’ve fallen off the Lent Wagon, but since she’s moving so slow I suppose I will too. Bitch ain’t gonna see Easter, that’s for sure.

It is all kinds of February around here, and it’s not just me. Tom made a comment at lunch about “back in February,” and I had the sad task of reminding him that it is still that horrid month, and we have 13 days to go before we see any relief. The days rush by so fast I can’t catch my breath; I climb into bed every night wondering where the day went. AND YET the month is dragging on. Sad state of affairs, that. This morning someone greeted me with the standard, “How ya doing?” and all I could do was look at him and reply, “It’s February.” When you start the day off by convincing your test-phobic twice-exceptional 3rd grader that state testing isn’t going to kill him (yes, CSAPs started today whheeeeee), it’s pretty much just downhill from there.

February is my “always darkest before dawn” month, where things get worse and darker before things suddenly improve and it’s all fairies and unicorns farting glitter and working computers. Yes, I put a functioning computer in the same category as glitter-farting unicorns–do you blame me? I made an offhand remark on Facebook about wanting to run away and I think there were no fewer than a dozen women who were ready to toss everything and head out with me. I don’t think that’s so much a statement of my coolness as it is the recognition that this month sucks and a little warmth, sun, and unlimited drinks by scantily clad pool boys is precisely the cure for such a predicament. I’m actually considering assembling a little vacay for Suckage Month 2011, women only. I think four days on a cruise ship with no way of being contacted, food and drinks a’flowing, nothing to do but what we wanted to do, would do wonders for our combined mental states. I can dream.

So yet again, a bleh post because February is in cahoots with Princess and sucking my will to live. But soon March will be here, with a functioning computer and unicorns, and life will be good again.

My mojo has gone missing. I’ve been searching all over the house for it, but it’s well hidden. I did find the 2 extremely overdue library books, but no mojo. I’m doing ok without it, I’m just floundering a bit. Things are taking considerably longer to accomplish, I feel a bit out of sorts–like things aren’t getting done, and I find myself cursing uncontrollably lately. Loudly. Repeatedly. Sailors are blushing on my behalf.

And then I figured out why my mojo escaped. Because of this:

That is Princess the PMSing Laptop. Don’t know if I’ve ever posted a picture of Her Highness the Bitch (thank you iPhone, with your reliability and grace). I can’t really explain how her slow demise is making my life miserable, but lemme see if I can try.

• Something inside the machine, under the left hand, has been making a wet (!) gurgling sound. I smacked it last night, rather hard, and it stopped. I can say with a great deal of confidence that the sound will return today.
• Click…1,2,3,4…28,29,30…window opens. And lest you think I’m counting quickly, allow me to remind you that I’m a professionally trained musician and can keep a damned (see, there’s the swearing again) steady beat at 60 bpm. The shortest count is about 4 seconds, the longest well over 30 and then she crashes.
• I’ve been working on updating my resume. Four hours on Tuesday, two and a half of which were just waiting for her to catch up. I tried to continue last night, but got so frustrated I went and started working on our taxes at 9:30 at night. I need to have Le Resume in tomorrow for a volunteer position I dearly want.
• Working on the taxes is taking forever because half of what I need is on this machine and getting it out is like pulling teeth from a rhino…difficult and painful. See the irony? As soon as taxes are in and we have a refund (pleasepleaseohGodplease), she can be replaced. Wait a second…methinks she knows this…hmmm…
• Supposedly I have wicked fast internet now. I have not seen any indication of this, simply because the computer is too slow. Swear to GOD once she is replaced I’m getting fiber-optic internet, just so I can dance like a wood sprite with the joy of it all.
• It’s a good thing I have mad touch-typing skillz. The letters are wearing off the keys one by one. Eh, who needs an “n?” I only have two in my name!
• Have I mentioned the constant crashing?
• I got my inbox down to zero a week ago; right now I have roughly 80 emails to process and/or answer. Same with posts in my reader, except there the number is well into the hundreds. I don’t like the feeling of my large intestine trying to throttle my brain because of the length of time it takes to accomplish a single email, so I’ve been avoiding it.

So, all in all, I’d rather brush my teeth with a rabid porcupine than sit and work in front of this machine. And on top of it all? We have our “Come to Jesus” meeting this afternoon with the school about accommodations for A.

Applying keyboard to forehead in 3…2…1…

I’m back. And, boy, do I have some loose ends here.

First and foremost, I allegedly have super fast, whoosh-my-hair-back internet now. I can’t tell, because Princess the PMSing Laptop has relapsed and is slowly dying. As I type here, I have no cursor, can easily write an entire sentence before I see what has been written, and can click on a window/tab/anything and count to at least five before something happens. So today I offer up this heartfelt prayer:

Dear IRS, after last year’s heart-attack-inducing “We owe HOW MUCH???” incident, we changed our withholdings and are praying for a refund. Please let there be a refund. Any refund will directly carried to the Apple Store and exchanged for a computer that actually works. (Wow. Imagine that, a computer that works. What’s that like?) This will stimulate the economy and I will be regarded as a hero for aforementioned stimulation. You can thank me later. Off to gather tax info for my accountant, Jen.

I poisoned myself went for dim sum last weekend. Thought I was doing so well, avoiding the wheat items and eating the rice items. Uh, no. I managed only to heavily glutenize myself and have been wiped since about Tuesday. Took me the better part of three days to figure out WTF I did to feel so bad. I’m still recovering, as evidenced by the fact that I slept until 9 this morning. That was partly due to a dog with a sudden case of I HAVE TO PEE!!!!! at 4 this morning, and partly because the boys didn’t want me to find out that they had dragged A’s mattress downstairs to watch TV. They are now using it as a trampoline as they watch Garfield. Please pity me.

If you haven’t been participating in the Twitter #gtchat chats, you’re missing out. Yesterday’s topics were Asynchronous Development and Twice Exceptionalities. Because I was still setting up my new modem/router (seriously, can anything concerning computers be easy for me for a change?) I missed the entire 2e chat. Grumble, grumble…but transcripts have been posted. Asynchronous development here and 2e here. Chats are every Friday at noon EST and 7pm EST. Details can be found at Ingeniosus and new topics to be voted on are posted every week.

This post is taking forfreakingever to write. I hate this POS laptop. I type insanely fast and I’m into a half hour here. (edit: it’s five hours later and I’m still working on this, simply because my frustration level keeps shooting through the roof)

Missy, bless her heart, left me not one, but two awards this week. I have to combine the blog list ’cause I will kill my computer if I link back to 22 bloggers.

Along with the award comes . . . R-U-L-E-S.  Here they are:

A. List 10 things that make you happy.
B. Try to do at least one of them today.
C. Tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day.
D. For those 10 bloggers who get the award, you then link back to my blog and create your own “makes you happy” list.

Ten things that make you happy…ordinarily this wouldn’t be hard, but I still feel like crap from the gluten poisoning and that tends to make me less than happy. Let’s see what I can come up with.

1. Sunshine in February
2. Any temp over 50F in February
3. Coffee with friends
4. Wine and Whine with friends
5. Pandora
6. When the boys genuinely love on each other
7. A hot shower after a hard workout, not that I’ve had the energy for that this week
8. My iPhone…because IT WORKS (hear that, you miserable POS? You can’t miss it, I’M TYPING ON YOU!!!!)
9. When the dog farts and I’m in the other room and don’t have to breathe it in. Never happens, because she’s always under my feet. But I hope.
10. Monday mornings, when I can kick the boys out the door to school.

In the tradition of this award, here are the rules I must oblige by in order to pass it on:

- Put the logo on your blog or within your post.  Check.
- Pass the award onto 12 bloggers.  Check.
- Link the nominees within your post.  Check.
- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.  Check.
- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.  Check.

I’m only linking to 6, because, again, my computer would keel over…I’ve been working on this post for too long…I’m tired and want to go lie down.

1. Nancy at Away We Go. I love her sense of humor.
2. cms at Ends with 8741. She has had a hard week.
3. Lynn at For Love or Funny. Again, makes me laugh.
4. Karin at HeartSongs. She has also had a terrible week.
5. The gals at So ‘Over’ Everything. Another blog on intense, 2e kids. Good to find.
6. Dawn at Weldable Cookies. She is a wonderful friend, has talked me off many a ledge, and never fails to surprise.

Frankly, there are too many. Eventually I’ll get my blogroll up in the header where it says “reading list.” Guess how long that’s been in the queue? Yeah, just slightly short of forever. If you made it this far, congratulations, you made it farther than I did. I gave up long ago and the monkeys quit their Shakespeare and finished this for me.