Archive for February 8th, 2008

Introducing….Inertia Girl!!!

There’s no stopping her when she’s on a roll. She whips through chores, to-do lists, and errands with nary a thought, then stands with hands on hips, teeth bared into the wind as her hair flips around sensuously. Her family is swept up in her groove like a snowball in an avalanche and all is well.

But, like Mr. Incredible getting hit with that gloopy stuff and slowing to certain death, Inertia Girl is slowed by the unforeseen, the attitude copped by offspring, lack of sunlight, hormones, and the unending list of crap that must be done, and only done, by Inertia Girl.

She grinds to a halt. A body at motion stays in motion, a body at rest stays at rest…and pisses about it the whole time.

Oh NO! What is that laughter hacking sound? It is Inertia Girl’s arch-enemy, Death Virus of Doom! (cue ominous music) DVoD has taken out Inertia Girl’s partner in crime, Stress Man! Stress Man is down! Superhero down, Superhero down!

Inertia Girl springs into non-action! Rather than working harder, Inertia Girl plays with her blog’s avatar, and writes mildly witty posts. She shuffles the papers on her desk, answers emails, and wipes the countertops. Earth-shaking events.

With his superhero strength, Stress Man has shaken off the clutches of DVoD…which has retreated into a corner, waiting to strike again. Will it be Inertia Girl who succumbs? Will it be the offspring? Only time will tell…

Inertia Girl crosses another item off the to-do list and sluggishly moves on to the next. Inertia Girl needs spring to arrive, and umbrella drinks, and to feel the warm sun on her flabby, pasty-white superskin. Go, Inertia Girl, go.