Archive for May, 2008

This stuff. The greatest shave cream evah. I ran out…thought I had more and was wrong.

What’d you think I meant?

Get your mind outta the gutter.

Today Never a Dull Moment brings you Hey Jen, what’s up with…???, the newest and coolest collection of mental crap in the blogosphere. Ya heard it here first, folks.

Hey Jen, what’s up with the workers landscaping the new school? Beats the hell outta me. I’ve never seen such slow workers. They show up at 5:30 (beep beep beep clang clang clang), putz around for awhile, have a coffee break mid-morning, a little more putzing, a long lunch break complete with a nap in the shade, a wee bit more working, foot races from the truck to the basketball hoop and back, maybe a little more work, another break, oh hell how ’bout another couple minutes of work, leave. Lather, rinse, repeat. I’d love this kind of job.

Hey Jen, what’s up with that funky bumpy thing on your arm? The funky bumpy thing had a hot date with the even-complexioned dermatologist on Monday. It is now a funky cratery thing and word came down from on high this morning that it was merely a funky bumpy thing and nothing more. Yay.

Hey Jen, what’s up with the moving slowly and whimpering? Yeah, thanks for noticing. In an attempt to show the body who’s boss I met with a personal trainer on Tuesday to learn how to use the fitness equipment at the New!And!Improved! rec center. Body gave me notice this morning upon waking. I took charge and showed Body I’m not easily intimidated and dragged her sorry ass to a Pilates class this morning. Body is now planning revenge. Between you and me and the ether, I think I may have broken my spleen or something. Don’t tell Body; she tends to smirk and gloat and shit.

Hey Jen, what’s up with your stomach? Oh, Body is telling stomach to behave, so stomach isn’t a problem right now. However, I anticipate a rebellion soon. Things are going to get worse before they get better, but at least I’m formulating a plan to cure stomach and show Body who’s boss.

Hey Jen, what’s up with your white trash patio? It’s still a white trash patio. Husband and contractor are engaged in a record-setting game of Phone Tag. ‘Tis my hope we get a patio by, oh, July 4th. Fireworksapalooza must have a new patio. (From our house we can see fireworks up and down the front range).

Hey Jen, what’s up with J not up in his room having quiet time like he’s supposed to? Hmm…thanks for pointing that out. Allow me to go duct tape him to his wall…

Hey Jen, what’s up with the Economic Stimulus Check? Oh, do you have one? Because we don’t. I believe it’s a myth, sorta like the Loch Ness Monster and the Yeti. Or along the lines of “Social Security will exist when I hit retirement age.”

Hey Jen, what’s up with your writing? Oh, you mean, I wrote a lovely post about the library and was given an awesome award for it and now my posts tend to be whiny, if anything at all? Yeah, I noticed. I think my brain/humor/writing are in cahoots with Body. Things shall improve.

Hey Jen, how’s it going with the time management? Is this a snide remark? That I should be getting stuff ready for the yard sale I’m having at the end of the month? That I should be working on my business? That I should be vacuuming the white trash patio gravel out of my miserable carpet? That I should be working on one of the two online classes I’m taking? That I should be replying to the emails I have gathering dust in the inbox? That’s there’s laundry to be put away? That there are plants to purchase and plant? That I should be doing any of those things instead of posting the premier Hey Jen, what’s up with…??? post? Yeah, it’s not going so good.

Hey Jen, what’s up with the cutesy monsters on the left there? Oh, ya like ‘em? I got tired of the bald blank guy as an avatar, so I told WordPress to give me something better. And they listened. ‘Cause I’m powerful like that. {snort} I like the monsters.

Hey Jen, what’s up with that time management again? Fine. I’ll reboot the laundry, get some more iced tea (sadly, my favorite summertime drink is going to be axed soon), check my email and google reader again, then get A and drag him off to OT. Happy? And are you also in cahoots with Body?

You know, I’m done. Somehow I managed to dig myself into a deep hole of craziness and stress and guilt. Right before Mother’s Day, too. I’m good that way.

Today J watched 4 hours of TV because I was desperately digging myself out of three weeks of work. Once I get the boys in bed this evening I will continue to dig.

The recent crisis that started the hole is more or less over. It was a school issue. Nothing A did, nothing we did, nothing his teacher did. But he will be going to the new school behind our house next fall. Part of fighting battles is knowing which battles to fight. And I’m done. I’m done worrying, I’m done screaming and crying, I’m done. Most of all, I’m done driving…Quicken told me how much we spent on gas in the last two years. After regaining consciousness, we did a pro/con list and made our decision. It was extremely difficult, but it’s what’s best for our family. Oh, and the new school will be a good one. Always a plus when there’s a GT school with a GT principal for your GT kid in your backyard. Lest you think driving/gas prices made the decision for us…uh, no. But it was a factor…and the one that caused me to hyperventilate.

And the effin’ Democratic candidate race can end any day now. That’s all I’m sayin’.

So I’m moving forward. I’m removing as much as I can from my life. Still trying to figure out exactly what those things will be, but I have to do it. Trying to do the mom/home/work thing 16 hours a day, then slamming my head into my pillow, isn’t exactly healthy. And I have exactly 3 1/2 weeks to figure it all out; both boys are done with school by May 30th.

That scream you just heard? Yeah, me.

Thanks to More Cowbell, I found several time-wasting “quizzes” for today. Good thing, too, ’cause I barely have the brain power to do much more this afternoon. We’re on Day Two of “Mother Nature’s PMS Psycho Episode.” It’s now in the 40s and so windy we have wind chills in the 20s. And this weekend it’ll get back into the 70s. Don’t piss off Mother Nature.

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I think I need to start using up some of the food in our pantries. And stay out of Costco.

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Yeah, didn’t do too well on this one. Got the Cylon, though. I still can’t believe my husband got me hooked on Battlestar Galactica, something of which he is overly proud.

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Wow. Really. Wow. I think this may directly related to being able to survive in my house for 80 days. And that I should probably really start using that New!And!Improved! rec center membership already.

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No shit? Damn, coulda fooled me.

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Is this before or after the Cannibals are done?

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Whatever.

Created by OnePlusYou

I cheated and used two fingers. I’m barely caffeinated today, which is contributing to my wicked headache and jonesing for a double shot espresso.

Have a good weekend.

It’s May 1st! I know this because:

A) I turned over my calendar.

B) I received a lovely May Day basket

C) It’s snowing outside. And it was 82 degrees yesterday.

If you guessed C, you win! And it has actually gotten heavier in the ten minutes since I took this picture. I can barely see across the schoolyard. Damn it, I just took the patio furniture cover off yesterday! Frak. I’m looking at a solid half inch of heavy, wet snow, and I’m sure there’ll be more before it quits. Oh, and please do not comment on the White Trash Patio we have. I realize it looks like crap. That is our summer project, to put in a pressed/stained/sealed concrete patio. So, yes, it looks horrible, but hey, the snow is doing a great job covering it up today!

I’ve had several things running through my head in the last couple of days, and absolutely zero time to sit and write them down. Thanks to Dragon Tales (oh, please, someone put me out of my misery; it’s snowing in May and J is watching that LSD-trip PBSkids show), I have a few minutes to spew out what has been running amok in my brain. Careful, it might get ugly. I’m coffee-less and it’s snowing in MAY!

The current stress-inducing events are still current and still stress-inducing. There is a meeting tonight and Tom and I are thinking of bringing flasks for the pissed-off parties. However, we will likely refrain, as we wish this meeting to NOT end up on the evening news. It does, let’s note, have the distinct possibility of becoming quite contentious. There will be much wine-ing once we get home.

With a shovel and a match. That is how I cleaned A’s room the other day. His room can get out of hand pretty quickly, but this was about as bad as I’ve ever seen it:

It’s like playing Where’s Waldo?, but with a bedroom. So let’s see…I see a tent, the box the tent came in, speakers from his stereo, clothes, loveys, toys, clothes, miscellaneous crap. It is considerably better now. You can see the floor. And I refrained from the match.

HOLY CRAP, THE SNOW IS GETTING HEAVIER!

I have an appointment on Monday for getting a funky bumpy thing removed from my arm. It’s freaking out the husband. The dermatologist I go to has, um, how do I say this politely? She has no facial expressions. Methinks the Botox has gone bad on her. I have a significant II between my eyes, so I can sympathize. My II is getting deeper and more prominent with each passing day. I figure that by my 35th birthday this fall I should be able to plant tulip bulbs in there for next spring. I do believe that I’m furrowing my brow more often than not. Can’t imagine why…

My carpool partner has been in Hawaii for the last two weeks. Lucky. But I have been doing all the driving, both ways. I’m so over it. On the bright side, I’ve been listening to a whole bunch of podcasts. I loves my iPod. The podcast I’m into right now is Travel with Rick Steves. I’ve watched his travel shows for years and, with my parents, Tom and I have traveled Rick Steves-style. We both have one of his rucksacks, and they are fantastic for travel. One of the podcasts I listened to yesterday was with Eric Weiner, author of The Geography of Bliss. I read this book a few months ago and loved it. The author traveled the world, looking for the happiest places on earth. It’s been long enough since I read it that I can’t remember all the details, just that I loved the book. And having him on the podcast with my favorite travel author was awesome.

IT.IS.STILL.SNOWING.

I’m sure there’s a whole lot more I could whine about today, but I shall refrain. I’m sure your brains thank you. Ooh, goody! I get to go to speech therapy now! And occupational therapy later! And drive some more! In the snow! And then go to a very bitter and contentious meeting with a crapload of seriously pissed off people! In the snow!

More actual posts to come in the next few days. I have a book review…from a book I finished nearly 2 months ago. I have the Pancake Puffs Pan review…only two weeks late. But hey, if you don’t hear from me…check under the snow.