Archive for April 4th, 2009

I have a guest post over at Mom to the Screaming Masses, while Carmen is enjoying a much needed break in Mexico. Lucky woman. I’m being held hostage to my husband’s tv surfing (just sat through Superbad, now it’s Caddyshack); I’d much rather be somewhere warm and sunny. Ah, wait…I turned on the electric blanket when I tucked the boys into bed. Warm indeed.

Overheard at bathtime…

A: Dad! I know what what my pen!$ is made out of! When it’s soft, it’s made of cartilage. And sometimes it gets hard like a bone and it’s made of bone.

Me out in the hallway: (gasping for air, in silent hysterics)

Tom: Um, that not entirely right. (looks to me for help, I wave him off, he’s on his own) Uh…it’s not made or cartilage or bone.

A: Yes it is! I’m a scientist, I know everything.

Me out in the hallway: (oh sweet Jesus, wheeze…)

Tom: Your pen!$ is made of a spongy tissue that fills with blood and fluids and gets hard sometimes.

A: Naw…And hey, what are these two ball things underneath it?

Me out in the hallway: (rocking, tears pouring down my face)

Tom (looking to me for help, again I wave him off): Those are your testicles.

A: Testicles! Ha ha!

J: Testitles! (giggle)

I’ll teach ‘em to drive, but Tom is going to have to cover the anatomy and physiology lessons. Ya never want a woman laughing at you, least of all your mom.

Cheers: the expected blizzard had a midnight hookup with a dry weather pattern and instead of a foot of snow we got maybe two inches.

Jeers: It’s still colder’n a witches tit in a brass bra with strong winds.

Cheers: It’s Saturday and my darling husband is not working.

Jeers: I woke up this morning with another <heavy profanity> sore throat and swollen glands. Really, universe, you’re pissing me off.

Cheers: Spring break will be over in slightly under 48 hours.

Jeers: There is not a single freaking thing bad with that statement.

Cheers: My darling husband is making dinner tonight.

Jeers: There is not a single freaking thing bad with that statement.

Cheers: Someone Stumbled my hot dog post and I got a bunch of traffic.

Jeers: This did not result in a ticker-tape parade, a gold medal, or getting me out of vacuuming today.

Cheers: I am getting the hell outta dodge in 19 days for my twice-yearly scrapbooking retreat with the craziest four women I know.

Jeers: I actually have to prepare for this or I’ll be dragging an entire room of my house up the mountain for four days. Again.

Cheers: Spring break will be over in slightly under 48 hours.

Jeers: Summer break starts in six weeks.

Cheers: There will always be something to write about in this house.

Jeers: And there is not a single freaking thing bad with that statement.