Ahhh….spring may actually be coming to Colorado. I say that with my fingers crossed, a candle lit, and knocking on wood, for it snowed on Monday and it’ll likely snow again before the week is out. But ’tis the season to throw open the windows, stretch, take a deep breath…and look around in horrified astonishment at the condition of the house. The garage. The files. The computer. The self.

Everything is awakening from the long winter hibernation and clamoring for attention. The house…my God, the house. Chipped walls, stained carpet, dog hair everywhere. Seriously, Rosie, you’re killing me.

Computer files on two computers must be culled and refiled (any idea how much crap two little boys can download onto a hard drive? It’s a full time job keeping it clean!). My own computer, bless her little psychotic heart, probably only has a year or so left before she flies into a full-fledged screaming tizzy and bites the dust, so getting the files in order so transferring them won’t kill me is a pretty important priority. Wow. Run-on sentences live!

The garage only gets cleaned when I demand it. The demands shall begin.

Closets…oh my hell, the closets. Clothes, linens, expired medications…

Books! I swear I have single-handedly supported the boys’ preschool with my Scholastic orders. We have more childrens’ books than some rural libraries.

Me. Um…wow. When did that happen? Seriously? I mean…wow. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. That…that just ain’t purty there, now Jen. Hibernation doesn’t look good on you. Put down the wine glass (riiiiight) and pick up the leash. You and Rosie could both use the walk. You’re both middle-aged (hey! I resemble that remark!) women with a few extra pounds just hanging around.

So today begins Operation Hibernation Is Over. I have two weeks and one day to get my shit together before life as I know it ends for three months school gets out. Oh, I haven’t mentioned recently that SCHOOL FREAKING GETS OUT IN TWO WEEKS????? Ahem. I might mention it one or two thousand more times before now and then.

First plan of attack for OHIO? (HA! Just noticed I made a funny…see, it’s a state…and the shortened version of my operation…oh, whatever…) Grocery store! Alone! Whee! And then scrub out the fridge (I really know how to live) and clean the house. Vacuum up the twin Rosie is shedding. Brush the dog. Bang my head against the desk. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Two weeks. Joy. Rapture.

Hibernation is over. Come join me. I have wine. (Did’ja really think I was going to put down the wine glass? Puh-lease!)

Related posts:

1. 'tis the season
2. This holiday season, we decided to NOT DIE
3. Guess what we did yesterday?
4. Thisclose to sucking
5. Doorknobs and broomsticks

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