Archive for June, 2009

There are so many things I could write about today. Perhaps a Yet More WTF? Crap I found in the Sunday Coupons, or the death of Billy Mays (really, can random celebrities just stop dying now? I miss actual news, and we know it is all about me), or the funny thing(s) my sons say or do.

But I’m unnecessarily grumpy.

No reason. No full moon. No PMS attempting to steal my soul. No stress upon stress.

Just grumpy.

Grumpy that no matter how much I do, there’s more there for me.

Grumpy that no matter how much I read, there are more books waiting for me to devour.

Grumpy that no matter how hard I work, my reward is more work to do.

I appreciate all the blessings in my life, I really do, but it’s Sunday afternoon, and I want nothing more than to sit on my back porch and read a book. Or watch the boys play. Or just do nothing at all.

I’m trying to get the urgent things done, but everytime I sit down to work, I HAVE A CROWD OF LITTLE BOYS AND A DOG PRACTICALLY IN MY LAP AND IT AIN’T WORKIN’ FOLKS!

Oh. Wait. I think I discovered why I’m so grumpy.

Nevermind.

I’m sure our parents will be oh-so-thrilled to hear that.

A does not do well with change. At.All. It’s better than it used to be, but still ain’t all that great. When he was a wee thing, getting him out the door, even to do something fun that he wanted to do, was an experience that had me desperately needing a drink. At 9:30 in the morning. Dropping him off at preschool often involved the teacher (God, I love that woman) reaching into the car, prying his fingers off the carseat, and carrying him inside. She’s the awesomewonderfulamazing woman who had a “cozy cove” in her classroom for kids who had trouble with transitions. A spent a lot of time in there, because he knew when he needed to get back in sync during transitions.

When we were at Disney World a few weeks ago, the original plan was to go back to the hotel after lunch for a break, some rest, maybe a dip in the pool. Then I read in a book that kids who have difficulty with transitions really shouldn’t do that, for obvious reasons. Well.Duh. Just as he would have been getting into the swing of the parks, we would have insisted we leave (meltdown), then we would have insisted on leaving the pool just as he was getting into the swing of that (meltdown #2). We stayed at the parks and when we could, went back to the hotel early to swim.

He is better, but change sucks for him.

Last night Tom and I cleaned up the basement. I took my six foot scrapbooking table and made it the Lego table. Six feet of building goodness! I took the old, smaller Lego table and put it in my scrapbooking room. And made myself an office. With a door. And a lock. And out of the corner of the kitchen (truly for the best. I’m out of traffic, and that corner is so much nicer not covered in my office crap).

A about lost his shit this morning when he found out. Never mind that the new Lego table is half again as big. Never mind that he can find all the Legos. Never mind that the new table can also be jimmy-rigged to be a fort. There.Was.Change.

Sigh.

I finally had to tell him that this was an experiment for the summer (’cause I had to get my hot self out of the hot kitchen with the hot laptop) and we’d reevaluate in the fall. I’m pretty confident he’ll bring it up on the first day of school.

And that, dear reader, is why my husband and I will never, ever divorce. Oh, and the whole vow thing. That too.

Dear lady at the doctors’ office today,

Please note that when you make an appointment with your OB/GYN that she has that pesky “OB” in her title, in addition to the “GYN.” Those two little letters mean that, on occasion, the doctor will have to toddle on down the hall to the hospital and catch a small human being as his/her mother screams him/her out. It’s nothing personal, really. It’s not a secret conspiracy to screw up your day, the doctor isn’t in cahoots with the people you’re paying to watch your kid(s), it just happens. When you make an appointment with your OB/GYN, just accept that you will likely be waiting longer than expected because of a small, inconsiderate, wailing child being hoo-hoo-hooed out of someone’s hoo-hah down the hall. Then, if there is no miracle of birth on the day of your appointment, woohoo! You’ve lucked out! Buy a lottery ticket on your way home! Stop for an iced coffee, skip to your car. But it’s not necessary to be a cutting bitch to the office staff. They’re used to hormonal, irritated women, your rant really can’t stand up to a woman two weeks past her due date in late July, so don’t bother trying. Be nice, these women are in cahoots with your doctor, and your doctor is about to go poking around in certain sensitive parts, so don’t piss them all off.

Love and kisses,

Jen

Summer is delicious and sometimes I just don’t want to slap my wrists down on a hot laptop when it’s hot out. I’d rather enjoy a cold beverage on the patio with a book. Yes, a book. I seem to recall I have a few waiting to be read (plus two new ones I got at the library yesterday…and a new magazine. It never ends). And then, fate intervenes and I have a new meme (many thanks to Cathy Zielske for posting this today and thus getting me out of thinking) that will fill this blank page in mere minutes, allowing me the time to actually get to Target before I have to do the day camp return trip. Thank GOD for podcasts or that drive would be sending me further into the mental abyss that is summer vacation parenting.

Outside my window… construction workers tarring the roofs of the new classrooms. And a thunderstorm a’brewin’.

I am thinking... of what I want to do when I (ahem) grow up. I’m getting closer to my answer and it’s feeling pretty good. Still toying with it, taking it out for a spin, kicking the tires. Gotta still see if it’s worth the “price.”

I am thankful for…the trip Tom and I get to take next month. Sometimes his job bites (long hours, the challenge of dealing with the unrelenting stress, 6 months of busy season), and other times it rocks the house and we get to go to Hawaii. Thirteenth anniversary is tropical, right?

From the kitchen… Hm…there’s a whole chicken thawing on the counter (hush, I don’t thaw meats in the fridge. Never have, never will. Have never gotten food poisoning from it, so ain’t changing), the dishwasher is gurgling, and I’m thinking of moving what serves as my office from the corner of the kitchen into the craft room I rarely enter in the basement. Might be good for all aspects of my life.

I am wearing… a bright purple shirt (it might actually be in the magenta family), sand shorts, and a smile.

I am creating… a plan for the future. What is it? Beats the hell outta me, I’m still creating.

I am going… back out to get the boys from summer camp. And tomorrow I get the unparalleled joy of volunteering at the Cub Scout camp. Please have stiff drinks ready for me.

I am reading…Enlightenment for Idiots by Anne Cushman and I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was by Barbara Sher.

I am hoping… that A’s recent improvement regarding all things digestive continue to get better.

I am hearing… a snoring dog. She’s loud. Wish I could take a nap. She has it so good.

Around the house… there is crap everywhere. Better than yesterday, but still crap on essentially every horizontal surface. Mama no like. Mama like clean, simple things like a clear countertop with a single bowl of fruit on it. Very Zen. Not so Zen today.

One of my favorite things… The Get It Done Guy podcast. I recently discovered it and love it so much I’m listening to every single one. Makes driving to and from day camps pleasant and frankly, awesome. I learn new things, am double-tasking, and could honestly not care if I’m spending half the day in the car. Again.

A few plans for the rest of the week… camp again tomorrow, yoga with the boys on Thursday, scrapbooking all day Saturday, and cleaning like a crazy woman for the next ten days because my in-laws are coming out on the 2nd. Hopefully I’ll suddenly discover a way to eliminate dog hair from all surfaces visible and invisible. If not, well…that’s why there’s wine.

Okee dokee! On the road again…

This topic could go on forever. There is no dearth of crap out there to snicker at, and somehow much of it ends up in the Sunday coupon circulars. Let’s see what I have here, collected over the last few weeks.

Let’s start out this Sunday with a little sacred gem.

Who doesn’t need an eight-inch tall Nativity Scene, painted with more Nativity Scene? Double your Nativity, in resin! Can’t go wrong!

Do these look comfortable to you?

I think I might maybe wear these if I was giving myself a pedicure in January on top of Long’s Peak. And probably not then, either.

This one, not as bizarre as others…

I’m sure it works wonders, and would come in handy to eliminate the frakking bird nest in my satellite dish, but I just can’t help but laugh when I think about the boys stealing that from the garden supplies to play in the hose(yes, we really do have to hide the hose nozzle so they don’t play in it 24/7). One boy would turn it on the other, and next thing we’d know, we’d be on a search and rescue mission in Kansas to recover the child. Giggle…I’m evil…

But, truly, my favorite from the pile I’ve saved is this one.The house plant that never dies…would not have a chance in this house. I kill house plants. My garden? The one that we have set up so it’s worry-free? I am apparently killing it this year. Yes, due to our leaving the sprinkler system on while we were on vacation and extreme amounts of rain during that time, the garden is drowning. The only plant I am apparently unable to kill, and God knows I have tried, is this one:

I got this plant as a birthday gift in 1996. It.Will.Not.Die. I took this picture shortly before I cannabalized it repotted it into two new pots. Doesn’t matter what I do, the plant survives and grows and grows and grows. The aforementioned resurrection plant would die in my house, and this one would eat it for fun.

That’s it for this week, kids! Keep watching those circulars!

AHA! I’ve figured out the Friday Fragments thing. Many thanks to Mel, who directed me to Half-Past Kissing Time, so I can give credit. God knows I have enough flotsam and jetsam swirling around my brain today to play. Let’s play!

• My favorite search terms of the week: crocs you boots gimlet (a new drink, perhaps?), rhubarb problem (yes, rhubarb is indeed a problem. Ours is huge and tomorrow will be made into something involving strawberries and crust. There may or may not be ice cream involved as well.), tomato plants won’t stay up (I recommend tomato erotica. Or stakes. You decide, but I bet the plants would prefer the first suggestion.).
• I have determined that my constantly-twitching eyelids are due to a combination of stress and allergies, for they twitcheth not while on vacation. I sweat glowed through my clothing every day while in Florida, but no twitchy-twitchy.
• Construction on the school is moving at a quick pace. Ahhh….how I missed the beepbeepbeep of trucks on a peaceful morn.
• My friend’s son, the one who was diagnosed with Leukemia last month, is doing very well. He’s close to remission already. Hopefully I’ll get to see him (and hug him over and over) tonight when I take them dinner.
• I hate birds (bite me, PETA). Three years ago we had the Psycho Mama Robin From Hell take over our front yard. She would dive-bomb our heads if we dared to step out the front door, chase us into the backyard, scream at us…as soon as she and her little birdlings left, her perfect nest hit the trash. This year we had robins trying to build a nest in the roller shade on our back deck. Birdbrains. We took it down until they got the hint…though it really was funny to watch Papa Bird fly up to where his nest was with a bit of straw and look terribly confused. And then a bit worried, as he would have to now go tell Psycho Mama Bird that their condo with the perfect mountain views was suddenly missing. And then she’d go all pregnant psycho bitch on him (been there, done that) and he’d fly off all “yes dear, whatever you say dear, I’ll find the pickles dear.” And damned if he didn’t find another place, well out of our reach. All spring we’ve been hosing bird poop off our back patio; I figured it was just payback for the birdie condo. Nope. Damned Papa Bird built his nest in the framing of our satellite dish…two stories up. And if there are baby birdlings in that next, I can’t take a sharp stick to it. Grrrr…
• Vacations are pure bliss. Returning from vacations are pure hell. Been home four days and still can’t catch up.
• I found out last night that I inadvertently volunteered myself to work the Cub Scout daycamp next week. There were profane words involved when I discovered this. Must stock the wine rack in preparation.
• Know what’s fun? Watching your dog like a hawk to make sure she’s “outputting,” after discovering she chewed through a used pullup. Good times, good times.

That’s the brain dump for this morning. Now I have the extreme pleasure of pulling two little boys away from the Wii to hit the grocery and liquor stores. Really, Colorado, throw me a bone here. I’m thrilled that we can finally buy booze on Sunday, but making two stops with kids is murder. Just let stores sell Mama Juice so I don’t have to feel like a bad mommy dragging my kids into a liquor store. Again.

Good Lord, Jen, did a library explode on your kitchen island?

As a matter of fact, it did. The floor is just littered with small pieces of paper and other library-ish detrius. It’s a mess, I tell ya.

What you are gazing upon here is the stack of reading I have scattered all about the house…unstacked for your horrified pleasure. True schadenfreude. I gathered this from three different rooms on two different floors of the house. This is just the unread stuff. Magazines (and one showed up in the mail after I took this picture), online newsletters I’ve printed off to read, books of all sorts. Books on giftedness. Books on twice-exceptionalities. Books on kids and anxiety. Books on spirited children. Books on sensory processing disorder. Books on figuring out what I want to do with my life (God, I’d love to figure that out).  And only three pieces of fiction. Oh, and I have eight books on my wish list at the library.

This weighs heavily on me. I love to read, always have. But having all this staring at me is intimidating, especially when I’m so busy doing other stuff. I’d rather be reading. And when I finally have a chance to read, I’m too sleepy to do much more than page through a magazine. Finding time to read and concentrate on what I’m reading is the biggest hurdle. I certainly don’t have an issue finding things to read. I’ve lost count of how many books I’ve returned to the library unread.

Now excuse me, my friends. A thunderstorm is blowing up and I think that’s a good reason to shut down the computer and read. Or…yawn…thumb through a magazine.

is me, Mel from Colorful Metaphors.  I really like Jen.  If I lived in Boulder, she would so be my BFF.  We have  lot in common.  If she ever came to Austin, I would take her to the Whole Foods Mecca and this great gluten free deli that I know about.  Anyway, while Jen is enjoying her time in sunny Florida, I’m doing a little bit of blog sitting.  .  And I have to say, I’m insanely jealous that she got to see a shuttle shot today.  There had better be some good pictures of this when she gets back.  I’m just sayin’.

So.  My guest blog post.   Well, about that.  I said yesterday that it would have substance.  Then I spent the day in 100 degree heat at a track meet and am no longer able to rub two brain cells together.  I even had a great topic in mind in honor of Jen getting to see a shuttle shot, which I am insanely jealous of.  I was going to do this lament about how our country has no goal to work toward any more, nor does it seem likely to get one any time soon.  You’d think that trying to improve our gas mileage or clean up the environment, or even stopping terrorism would band us together as a nation like we were during WWII or during the lunar program.  But it hasn’t happened, and that makes me so sad.

I got a chance to take the NASA Behind the Scenes Tour last summer when I was down there (and I really hope that Jen did as well because it is beyond cool) and was totally amazed by the stories that these people had to tell about being a part of such a historical project.  I was more than a little envious hearing about that and I have to admit that I teared up several times while hearing these stories (yes, I am a geek).  I would kick a kitten to be a part of something like that now, but there isn’t anything like it today.  And why not?  Have we really become so self absorbed as a culture that we can’t pull to together and make something bigger than ourselves?  And don’t tell me that there are better things to spend money on than the space program, because it isn’t just about going into space.  It’s about pushing ourselves as a society to make things better.  Think about it:  if we had kept to the idea of having bases on the moon, what are the odds that we would have this recycling thing figured out by now?  Not to mention long-life batteries that say a car could run on.  We don’t need anything like that around here, do we?

Well looky there.  I had some substance in me after all.  Good thing for you, because I almost gave you an ode to the Facebook quiz.

So Jen, I hope you are having fun in Florida.  I hope that you saw that shuttle shot and that you got to do the whole NASA thing.  Did I mention that I was insanely jealous of the shuttle shot?  Just thought I’d get that in.  And be sure to ride Expedition Everest at Animal Kingdom.  It is totally awesome!  See you when you get back!

******************************************************************

Jen here. I totally borked up setting up my guest posters (I’ll do better next time, promise!), and this didn’t post. I’m still working out the kinks. Mel, thanks so much for covering for me. No shuttle launch, as I’m sure you may have heard (and ohhh, do I have stories from that night!), but this post is certainly covering for me as I attempt to find the bottom of the laundry pile. You rock!

What is this? I believe it is called lack of humidity. I have named the humidity in Orlando “Sheldon.” Sheldon the Humidity. It was so present I felt it needed a name. He was a real pain in the butt, now known as The Gutter…as in, where all the back sweat drains. Such a pleasant sensation. Ahhh….humidity-free bliss here in Colorado.

We’re home.

I have downloaded and preliminarily sorted 585 emails.

I am staring down 1120 unread posts in Google Reader (heh…riiiiiight…ain’t gonna read ‘em all).

I am on my third load of laundry.

I have picked up a book on hold from the library.

I have retrieved my dog from her week of debauchery and spoiling the woman who was watching her.

I have unpacked.

I have made iced tea.

I have roughly planned out the week, and have given thanks every 10 minutes that Tom took tomorrow off too.

I shall return shortly.

If not, send a search party, the mail probably buried me.

Damn. Launch scrubbed. We were already there, so we just stayed. Took the bus tour, hit the gift shops, stayed up all night. With the boys. It’s now 5am and we’re just now heading back to the hotel. We’re disappointed that we didn’t get to see the launch, but in a twisted sort of way, kinda glad we get more time in the parks. It’ll always still be “our launch.”
Wowm I really need some sleep.