I have mentioned rainbow/glitter farting unicorns here no fewer than ten times. Now eleven. Why? Because they amuse me, no other reason. They live in a mythical world where everything is perfect and glowing and wonderful. I want one, simply for my own entertainment. Because then I could say to myself, “Self, how bad could things possibly be? You have a rainbow farting unicorn!”

I may have my chance. Squeeee!

Kids, that right there is a unicorn. It is farting rainbows. Oh, sure, you could argue that it’s merely a rainbow tail, but in my eyes it’s farting rainbows. The woolies etsy shop has all sorts of handmade creations available, but I’m sure you agree that none are as badass as a hand-knit rainbow farting unicorn.

So, dear friends and family who may be reading this, while I always love and covet gift cards to home improvement stores and all things Apple, I would not mind finding a rainbow farting unicorn in my home.

I would love him and hug him and name him George.

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