Many thanks to Mad Eye Moody for the dead-on description of what it’s like to live with and raise gifted sons. People will watch them and comment, “Oh my, they keep you on your toes, don’t they?” Duh, random person making small talk, this is nothin’. I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead for the last nine years and failing miserably, so truly your comments are a paean to the High Priestess of Obviousness. Yes, it is terribly windy out. Have a nice day yourself.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

At home it’s ensuring they have not built a intricate fort of epic proportions, blocking the long-suffering dog from her crate. It’s putting double and triple security measures on the computer, so we don’t suddenly have an expensive paperweight. It’s preparing for a meltdown anywhere, anytime, because something has triggered the wiring in the gifted kid’s over-excitabilities sector. It’s being ready for a philosophical question at a moment’s notice, similar to the story Robyn shared at A 2E (Twice-Exceptional) Journey. I haven’t had that exact question, but I’ve had some doozies.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

At school it’s staying on top of everything. Everything. To the casual observer, I am a helicopter parent. That drives me to the brink of insanity, just daring me to jump in and get it over with. I’m not a helicopter parent, I laugh that I parent with benign neglect, but at 9 A still needs help remembering ABC and no amount of natural consequences work. Trust me, I’ve been to more parenting seminars that you can imagine. He just needs more guidance, and me emailing teachers so that we’re all on the same page.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Part of CONSTANT VIGILANCE! is reviewing graded work that returns home because the boys sure aren’t running in the door with papers in hand, begging for them to be displayed on the fridge. A got his book report on Albert Einstein back the other day and he knocked it out of the park (helped that he saw a lot of himself in Einstein). His multiplication page was awesome; got all but four completed, but every single one was correct. Got a Theme Progress Test back and only missed one, but…what the hell? Ohhhhh…further proof that gifted kids think differently. Hm. How would you answer this question?

What does it mean to draw conclusions when you read?

1. decide the main point of the reading
2. use what you know and what you read to make a decision about the text
3. relate the text to other texts, your life, and the world
4. ask questions to determine the author’s purpose for writing

I see three arguably correct answers. A’s answer (#3) was marked incorrect. Tom and I can’t figure out which answer is the “correct” one. Now, it’s 3rd grade and it’s one answer on a test and I’m not going in to the teacher to argue it. That would be helicopter parenting. But I would like to know, for my own brain, which it is. Because I think #3 could be correct and because I can’t see an obviously correct answer. Unfortunately, because of the way public education is set up, where there are “right answers” and “wrong answers,” shades of grey (thinking) aren’t valued.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

I’ll be so glad when the school year ends in a few weeks. For the first time ever, I am glad that school is ending. For the CONSTANT VIGILANCE! will then be home-based for a few months.

Tom and I have ideas of what he needs to succeed, but as this is our first trip to this particular amusement park, we know there are things we’ll miss without guidance. Here’s where you all come in. If you could have any accommodations for your child at school, what would they be? Aim high, money no object, flip off the state testing. What would your perfect accommodations be? What is the perfect world for a gifted kid in elementary school?

Tweet this, stumble it, shout it to the heavens. Let’s get a discussion going. Our kids can all benefit.

What brain-dead, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging piece of monkey shit came up with this?

Seriously? You’re going to parade young kids out into the media spotlight, for God and the whole world to gawk at, in the high-pressure world of Win Lots Of Money For Your Family, and put their intelligence to the test?

I dare ONE person to comment in defense of this insanity. ONE.

Gifted is more than “just really, really smart.” Gifted is more than a lot of things, more OF a lot of things. More intense, more sensitive (OY, more sensitive), more intuitive, more everything. And now, here comes this prime-time show, exploiting prodigies in the name of entertainment, and making it increasingly difficult for parents of gifted and twice-exceptional kids. Well, if your kid isn’t like that kid on tv, then he must not be gifted, because isn’t that what gifted looks like?

This piece of garbage will do more harm than good, for the kids on the show, and for the kids who are trying to get (increasingly underfunded) gifted services at school. While I could point the finger at the parents, there’s enough blame to go around, and I’m starting with the developers of this show. This is wrong, this is horrifying, and they should be ashamed of themselves for this show.

Pity the kids. The adults in their lives have let them down, and made things a lot harder for other gifted kids.

Shame on them all.

Along with the lack of focus difference, we were still dealing with the trauma of actually getting the pills down. Those rants can be seen here, here, and here. We gave up long ago and just told him to chew the damned things, not something the FDA recommends, but hell, they needed to get down somehow.

But what really convinced us to throw in the towel were some frightening behavior issues we were seeing. Things like A crying hysterically for hours on end, unable to stop, because his best friend in the whole wide world amen moved away several weeks ago. Things A said like “I want to go to sleep and never wake up” and “I wish I was never born” and “I hate my life.” Red.Flags. He rarely, if ever, cried out such phrases before starting Intuniv. I don’t know if there’s a correlation, but it was frightening enough for us to tell the doctor we wanted to stop, especially since there wasn’t a dramatic change in focus.

So we’re slowly weaning him off the meds. He’ll be off by Christmas and have a couple weeks to recalibrate before going back to school. And…deep breath…we’re not going to pursue any other ADHD meds at this time. While I believe that there is some ADHD something-or-other going on here, I also believe that a great deal of it may just be him being gifted and asynchronous. I’m no longer going to medicate him so that he can try to sit still in school and focus on crap that he’s already learned, or is so simple his brain asphyxiates from lack of something challenging. I’m sure his teachers will notice some increase in lack of focus, and tough shit on them. Ahem.

No more medicating his giftedness and intensities out of him, just to make things easier on us. If this is the way he’s wired, then so be it. Time for us…teachers, family, and friends…to recognize that. He cries that there’s nothing wrong with him, and we shouldn’t change him.

And he’s absolutely right.

I know every gifted and twice-exceptional learner is different…ohhhh, do I ever know this!…but does an ideal educational situation for such a child exist? I know every school and teacher is different, but I’m convinced that public schools aren’t the best option for divergent learners, gifted, or 2e kids. My sons attend a “Gifted and Talented Focus School”…public, our neighborhood school…and it is a terrible fit. I see my 3rd grader’s love for learning ebbing dramatically. The ONLY thing he talks about is the 1 hour A WEEK he goes to the GT pullout program. Last week A created a podcast, reading aloud to kids. Next he wants to upload it to iTunes. Everything else is boring, or stupid, or just not talked about. Can’t say I blame him. If I had to learn to skip count to 100 for the third year in a row, I’d be bored to tears too. The school appears to be achievement based for giftedness, not ability based, and that’s just wrong.

Is homeschooling the best option? On the one hand, I’d never have to deal with the unholy homework battles again, or doing the school’s dirty work in forcing him to do more of things that he’s already done a gazillion times before. On the other hand…frankly, for my own sanity, I need them to be someone else’s responsibility for a few hours a day. Tiffani, at Child’s Play, had this to say about 2e kids and learning today:

One thing I know is that if you have a 2e kid–creative, right brained, divergent thinking, gifted with significant learning differences–regardless of where they go to school, you are a homeschooler. You have to take their homework and then reteach it so they understand. You have to work, hard, with them to help it make sense and stay relevant. They may go to school every day, but the real learning probably only starts once they’re one on one with you.

She’s absolutely right, of course. I’m already a homeschooler, I just don’t get to choose the curriculum. Right now I’m making A learn what the school wants him to learn, while the school ignores the things that interest him, such as science. This morning we sat down to watch Bill Nye’s new educational series on algebra. How much do my boys want to learn? They RACED through their morning chores so they could watch a DVD on algebra before school. They loved it. A was excited to learn about exponents, and ratios, and how negative numbers are just numbers on the number line, on the other side of zero. What will he do in math today? Drill and kill on multiplication and division, where he’ll maybe hit 60% accuracy and feel like a failure. Here at home? Watch out, he’ll smoke you in Monopoly, using those very same skills and not know it.

Winter break is going to be a break from the homework battles (and really, is there a better way to kill the love of reading than filling out a reading log?), but an increase in actual learning. Museums and learning games and reading for fun (RULE #1: NO.READING.LOGS.). If you think you’re playing me in Spore on Facebook, um, no, you’re playing an eight year old who hijacks my account every afternoon.

I’m still 100% behind the charter school as it goes through the appeal process, but I’m also actively investigating private schools and homeschooling. If it wasn’t such a raging PITA, I’d consider moving to be closer to a great school.

I’m just sick of sacrificing my sons’ education at the alter of their schooling.

I need to remember this in relation to A’s giftedness.

It’s Gifted Week at the House of Chaos! Last night Tom and I had our weekly twice-exceptional parenting meeting (which we love), tonight I’m attending a presentation on the emotional well-being of gifted kids, then tomorrow night our last 2e meeting. All this unusual weeknight activity left us without a sitter for the boys, so I had to hunt around for a new one. A grandma in the area watches kids, she was available, she was hired. She even helped A with some of his homework; I should have offered her hazard pay.

We got home and when I asked how the boys were, she said they were fine…then hesitated.

“I helped A with his homework probably more than I should have (I assured her that was ok). But…(and she was having a hard time putting this into words)…he’s really bright, brilliant, probably smarter than me.” I could tell she was trying to say gifted without saying it, and I explained to her in 30 seconds or less what his situation was, with a side dish of 2e.

She had never met him before last night. I hear this so often from people who meet A for the first time and talk to him for longer than five minutes. He’s so bright! Yes, yes he is, and I forget that. I don’t see it anymore. It’s just who he is, and I don’t spend a lot of time with other kids his age other than volunteering in the classroom every other week. I no longer see the gift of giftedness, but only see the difficulties of twice-exceptionalities.

It’s been a hard few days with A and school, and I know it’s going to get much MUCH harder after Thanksgiving when his best friend is no longer there. I am so afraid of losing his spirit, and his thirst for learning is already starting to dry up. He is the smartest child I know, and I see him giving up that side of him because of school. Do this, not that. Here’s a page crammed full of math problems…go! Yup, writing is hard, we’ll make some accommodations for you, but you must copy this off the board (sorry the vision therapy hasn’t caught up yet to make this quick and easy for you) and if you don’t you must miss recess to catch up. Oh, and that busy work worksheet you didn’t finish? Take it home and complete it, please. Nevermind that you have the homework packet and a book report waiting for you there, as well as vision therapy and Cub Scouts and who needs downtime, anyway?

My heart breaks for him, and I know there are so many other families in the exact same boat. Our education system is not geared for outside the box thinkers, and outside the box thinkers are exactly what are needed in the outside world. I don’t know if I have it in me to homeschool him, but I can’t sacrifice his education for his schooling.

I know I’ll be reminded in the future of A’s giftedness, through the comments of others. They’re good to hear, because I do forget, or doubt, or ignore that part of him. I just don’t see it anymore, that’s simply how he is. But I hope to remember, through those comments, that there is a gifted person in there, buried beneath some of those challenges, and it’s my job to help him shine.

Oh, sure, it looks like a harmless piece of blue paper from the school, but it’s a unicorn. The room is full of rainbows, glitter litters the floor, the delicious aroma of fresh-baked cookies permeates the air, and soft music soothes the senses. I have a unicorn. I think I will name him Wee Schnookums Weeblie the Magnificent.

A was accepted into the Gifted and Talented program for reading.

Awww…Wee Schnookums Weeblie the Magnificent just nuzzled me, gave me a backrub, and brought me a cup of hot chai! How nice of Wee Schnookums Weeblie the Magnificent! I woooove him!

I knew Wee Schnookums Weeblie the Magnificent existed, but it’s difficult to explain him when you’re constantly told of your child’s difficulties, of his failures. You know the unicorn is out there, but you get the impression that it’s tied to achievement and not ability, and that’s just wrong.

But Wee Schnookums Weeblie the Magnificent is here and like Snuffleupagus finally being “seen” and acknowledged (HAPPY BIRTHDAY SESAME STREET!), he can’t be ignored.

Welcome, Wee Schnookums Weeblie the Magnificent. I knew you existed, and thanks for the cup of chai.