Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

Dear 2006,

What did I do to you? Seriously, did I pee in your Cheerios one morning and not know it? February is over, 2009 has blessedly passed, and yet…things are still askew. Thinking back, waaaayyy back, I came to the conclusion that things started going awry when it was your turn to lap the sun. Let’s recap, just in case you plan to play all “Wha?” with me.

I started off that year with a month-long regimen of Prednisone, for a sinus infection I didn’t have. Oh? When in that year? February, of course. I packed on 20 pounds in that short month…and my body has grabbed onto an additional ten, just for giggles. I’m fairly convinced that was the trigger event that pushed me into gluten intolerance, and am starting to believe that the drug managed to jank up my metabolism so well that weight loss may be harder than it should be. I’m working out more than I ever have, don’t eat crap, and yet I can’t drop the pounds. Pretty pissed here, 2006.

Once the doctor determined that it wasn’t a sinus infection giving me such face pain, but the fact that I was clenching my teeth so hard in my sleep that I was pushing a tooth into my sinus cavity, I got a bite guard. I have now chewed through aforementioned bite guard and will need to replace it this summer.

I trained for a 5k that year. Walked one in September because, dear 2006, I couldn’t train once A was in school. I was spending too much time in carpool. That changes this year. I signed up for a class at the rec center, training for a 10k, and a friend is talking me into run/walking a half marathon with her in August. I think I may do it.

Speaking of A, this was the year from hell, when all things hit. He started kindergarten (which wasn’t really prepared for a gifted kid), began occupational and vision therapy, had his tonsils out, and began ADHD meds. All.Of.This.Is.Still.A.Concern. You suck, 2006, for bringing this on. Really? All in the same year? I suppose you find it amusing that we’re still dealing with the vision therapy, that I now carry deep regrets about the ADHD meds and his growth, and that behavior/emotional concerns are still an issue?

Oh, and let’s not forget who came into my life that fall, dear 2006! Princess the PMSing Laptop! She sashayed into my home in November of that year and almost immediately started causing trouble. Bitch. But her reign of terror is now over, and in her place is a shiny new MacBook Pro (name TBD, though I really do like MacDreamy).

These were just the low highlights, 2006! There was so much else going on! We finished our basement (still paying for it), celebrated our ten year anniversary (miraculously still together), and started a home-based business (have since left). But the best part, dearest year from hell, was this blog. This little writing project was born that year, and has brought me more friends and supporters than I ever could have imagined. You can’t take that from me. Ever. The people who read here, who leave me comments, who carry me through the hard days when I just can’t do it myself…they are the best part of that year. And they have stuck around, God love ‘em.

So go blow it out your ear, 2006. You’re done here. I’m moving on. I will drop the 30 pounds you piled on me, I will run a half marathon, I will support and love and fight for my son until the day I die, I will dropkick Princess off the roof give Princess to my husband, and I will reach out to the people who have reached out to me. I’m no longer your pawn. So tell your little year friends, in particular 2010, that I’m back. And I’m not taking any more crap.

Love and kisses,

Jen

My mojo has gone missing. I’ve been searching all over the house for it, but it’s well hidden. I did find the 2 extremely overdue library books, but no mojo. I’m doing ok without it, I’m just floundering a bit. Things are taking considerably longer to accomplish, I feel a bit out of sorts–like things aren’t getting done, and I find myself cursing uncontrollably lately. Loudly. Repeatedly. Sailors are blushing on my behalf.

And then I figured out why my mojo escaped. Because of this:

That is Princess the PMSing Laptop. Don’t know if I’ve ever posted a picture of Her Highness the Bitch (thank you iPhone, with your reliability and grace). I can’t really explain how her slow demise is making my life miserable, but lemme see if I can try.

• Something inside the machine, under the left hand, has been making a wet (!) gurgling sound. I smacked it last night, rather hard, and it stopped. I can say with a great deal of confidence that the sound will return today.
• Click…1,2,3,4…28,29,30…window opens. And lest you think I’m counting quickly, allow me to remind you that I’m a professionally trained musician and can keep a damned (see, there’s the swearing again) steady beat at 60 bpm. The shortest count is about 4 seconds, the longest well over 30 and then she crashes.
• I’ve been working on updating my resume. Four hours on Tuesday, two and a half of which were just waiting for her to catch up. I tried to continue last night, but got so frustrated I went and started working on our taxes at 9:30 at night. I need to have Le Resume in tomorrow for a volunteer position I dearly want.
• Working on the taxes is taking forever because half of what I need is on this machine and getting it out is like pulling teeth from a rhino…difficult and painful. See the irony? As soon as taxes are in and we have a refund (pleasepleaseohGodplease), she can be replaced. Wait a second…methinks she knows this…hmmm…
• Supposedly I have wicked fast internet now. I have not seen any indication of this, simply because the computer is too slow. Swear to GOD once she is replaced I’m getting fiber-optic internet, just so I can dance like a wood sprite with the joy of it all.
• It’s a good thing I have mad touch-typing skillz. The letters are wearing off the keys one by one. Eh, who needs an “n?” I only have two in my name!
• Have I mentioned the constant crashing?
• I got my inbox down to zero a week ago; right now I have roughly 80 emails to process and/or answer. Same with posts in my reader, except there the number is well into the hundreds. I don’t like the feeling of my large intestine trying to throttle my brain because of the length of time it takes to accomplish a single email, so I’ve been avoiding it.

So, all in all, I’d rather brush my teeth with a rabid porcupine than sit and work in front of this machine. And on top of it all? We have our “Come to Jesus” meeting this afternoon with the school about accommodations for A.

Applying keyboard to forehead in 3…2…1…

Dear parents and teachers of gifted kids,
There will be a Twitter chat on supporting gifted kids next Friday, hashtag #nomoremyths. If you’re not on Twitter, get on Twitter so you can participate. Hosting is the delightful Deborah Mersino of Ingeniosus. Keep an eye on her blog next week for further details, or just drop me a note and I’ll make sure you have the info. Deborah is fantastic at gifted advocacy and support, and hopefully later this month we’ll finally meet for lunch. She’s lining up all the experts she can, so it will be worth your time to jump onto this Twitter chat.
Giving you the super secret double pinky gifted handshake,
Jen

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Dear A,
May I ask just WTF you were thinking, going into Daddy’s office this morning? And playing with his phone? And accidentally calling his boss? You know, the guy who works at home and heard his phone ring at 5:15 am? I can see you now know how absolutely stupid that was for you to do, and I’m sure a weekend of no screen time will push the lesson home too.  Really dude, not a good way to start the day.
Do it again and we’ll superglue your fingers together (just kidding…mostly…),
Mom

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Dear Qwest,
Dudes, I don’t know what you’re doing, but keep doing it. I had to call a couple of times this week to make changes to our account and both times I had people who didn’t live across the world from me! And I talked to a real, live human being within 90 seconds! And I’m getting super faster internet and free unlimited long distance AND saving quite a bit of coin! Truly, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but calling your customer service was the best part of this craptastic week.
Keep it up and I’ll quit calling you Qworst,
The woman who can’t wait to have internet so fast it blows her hair back

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Dear, sweet Rosie,
I know you smell that ginormous ham in the kitchen. It’s making my mouth water too. But you even think of working that pea brain of yours to figure out a way to eat it, I will sell you. Ain’t no amount of lovin’ to make up for that, girlfriend. And your toxic farts are bad enough without a fresh 20 pound ham in you. Just sayin’.
Love you except the hair,
Mom

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Dear J,
Sweetheart, coming up to me at school when I’m volunteering and you’re supposed to be working and asking for a friend to come over after school and then starting up the whining when I say no isn’t going to get you what you want. It’s only going to tick me off. And after this week from hell, I really don’t need that. I don’t want to be responsible for another human being in this house this afternoon. Does this make me a bad mom? Probably, but frankly, I’m past caring this week.
Still love you but want some quiet,
Mommy

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Dear school,
Next week I start the process of being a thorn in your side. I have an 8 year old son who is having panic attacks over the state testing coming up. I wish I was exaggerating, but alas, no. I’m anxious to hear what you have to say, but my take on it is, give him the accommodations he needs or I will pull him from the testing and the school will show a big fat goose egg on its record. I can homeschool for a few months, or borrow money from friends and family to put him in the fantastic private school I toured yesterday. Your call.
She’s waking from her nap and not happy about it,
Mama Bear

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Dear universe,
Your current cranial-rectal inversion is really borking up my mojo. I’m tired of waking up in the morning afraid of what is going to be thrown at me and in what order. I’ve managed to survive the shit you’ve thrown my way recently, now it’s time to plant in the well-fertilized soul of my life. I want need a job. Preferably part-time, but will somehow juggle full-time if the right thing comes along. Something that will not kill my brain. I know I’ve been out of the workforce awhile, but good grief, pay me what I’m worth.  I need some guidance for my son, because I’m at the end of my rope and about to hang myself with what’s left. I need my husband back, instead of the half-zombie, half-kumquat I have now. I need to catch up on all the emails, paperwork, housecleaning, miscellany of my life before my brain goes on strike (complete with little signs and rhyming chants), making everything all the  more difficult. Cut me a break, will ya?
Rocking back and forth in the corner with her thumb in her mouth,
Jen (almost 5pm…almost 5pm)

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Dear everyone I owe an email response,
I’m so sorry. It’s coming. I hope.
Can’t type fast enough,
She who has a computer so slow that an entire line is typed before it magically appears

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Love and kisses, all!

You know, I really don’t care if rock meet hard place, I’m just tired of being caught between the two. I think I’d rather get caught between a mama bear and her cubs some days. In the last week, rock and hard place have squeezed me in A’s education, my career, and today health insurance. Feeling a bit beat up.

So I have little to nothing amusing or witty or fun today. Instead, I get to review our medical expenses for the last year, search for a job, and seek help for my son.

Remember what happens when a rock hits a hard place repeatedly? I’m sure you covered this in scouts as a kid. Sparks. Smoke. Fire. Here’s hoping I don’t spontaneously combust this weekend.

Have you heard of this new show, Our Little Genius? It’s a reality TV/game show, in which 6-12 year prodigies go out and answer increasingly difficult questions to raise craptons of money for their families.

What brain-dead, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging piece of monkey shit came up with this?

Seriously? You’re going to parade young kids out into the media spotlight, for God and the whole world to gawk at, in the high-pressure world of Win Lots Of Money For Your Family, and put their intelligence to the test?

I dare ONE person to comment in defense of this insanity. ONE.

Gifted is more than “just really, really smart.” Gifted is more than a lot of things, more OF a lot of things. More intense, more sensitive (OY, more sensitive), more intuitive, more everything. And now, here comes this prime-time show, exploiting prodigies in the name of entertainment, and making it increasingly difficult for parents of gifted and twice-exceptional kids. Well, if your kid isn’t like that kid on tv, then he must not be gifted, because isn’t that what gifted looks like?

This piece of garbage will do more harm than good, for the kids on the show, and for the kids who are trying to get (increasingly underfunded) gifted services at school. While I could point the finger at the parents, there’s enough blame to go around, and I’m starting with the developers of this show. This is wrong, this is horrifying, and they should be ashamed of themselves for this show.

Pity the kids. The adults in their lives have let them down, and made things a lot harder for other gifted kids.

Shame on them all.

I was going to post a lighthearted stab at online flame wars tonight, but I hate them so much I don’t even want to poke fun at them. They’re nasty and mean and people say things they’d never say to a person’s face. I’m a strong believer in “if you can’t say anything nice, then keep your damned trap shut so I don’t have to hear your vile spew.” There’s enough anger and hate in the world, no need to add to it. If you believe in the Great Pumpkin, don’t be insulted and hateful because someone else doesn’t. </rant>

Why, Jen! Having a hard day? Yes, yes I am. The blue moon can bite my rosy red ass. I’m sooo looking forward to 2010. Anyone else?

After eight weeks, we’ve decided to pull A off the Intuniv. Unlike pretty much any other decision we’ve made concerning him, this one was damned easy. There just weren’t the results we had hoped for. I consulted with his teachers, since they see him for so many hours every day, and what I heard was that they hadn’t seen much change in his focus since starting the meds in October. In fact, the teacher he has the most commented that the biggest difference was when he got his glasses and ear filter for the CAPD. So, not a noticeable difference. If she had said that suddenly a different child showed up mid-November, then that’d be a different story.

Along with the lack of focus difference, we were still dealing with the trauma of actually getting the pills down. Those rants can be seen here, here, and here. We gave up long ago and just told him to chew the damned things, not something the FDA recommends, but hell, they needed to get down somehow.

But what really convinced us to throw in the towel were some frightening behavior issues we were seeing. Things like A crying hysterically for hours on end, unable to stop, because his best friend in the whole wide world amen moved away several weeks ago. Things A said like “I want to go to sleep and never wake up” and “I wish I was never born” and “I hate my life.” Red.Flags. He rarely, if ever, cried out such phrases before starting Intuniv. I don’t know if there’s a correlation, but it was frightening enough for us to tell the doctor we wanted to stop, especially since there wasn’t a dramatic change in focus.

So we’re slowly weaning him off the meds. He’ll be off by Christmas and have a couple weeks to recalibrate before going back to school. And…deep breath…we’re not going to pursue any other ADHD meds at this time. While I believe that there is some ADHD something-or-other going on here, I also believe that a great deal of it may just be him being gifted and asynchronous. I’m no longer going to medicate him so that he can try to sit still in school and focus on crap that he’s already learned, or is so simple his brain asphyxiates from lack of something challenging. I’m sure his teachers will notice some increase in lack of focus, and tough shit on them. Ahem.

No more medicating his giftedness and intensities out of him, just to make things easier on us. If this is the way he’s wired, then so be it. Time for us…teachers, family, and friends…to recognize that. He cries that there’s nothing wrong with him, and we shouldn’t change him.

And he’s absolutely right.

The charter school’s application was denied. The steering committee is appealing to the state Board of Education. This is where we stand right now. The school I think would be best for our sons is in limbo. Still.

I know every gifted and twice-exceptional learner is different…ohhhh, do I ever know this!…but does an ideal educational situation for such a child exist? I know every school and teacher is different, but I’m convinced that public schools aren’t the best option for divergent learners, gifted, or 2e kids. My sons attend a “Gifted and Talented Focus School”…public, our neighborhood school…and it is a terrible fit. I see my 3rd grader’s love for learning ebbing dramatically. The ONLY thing he talks about is the 1 hour A WEEK he goes to the GT pullout program. Last week A created a podcast, reading aloud to kids. Next he wants to upload it to iTunes. Everything else is boring, or stupid, or just not talked about. Can’t say I blame him. If I had to learn to skip count to 100 for the third year in a row, I’d be bored to tears too. The school appears to be achievement based for giftedness, not ability based, and that’s just wrong.

Is homeschooling the best option? On the one hand, I’d never have to deal with the unholy homework battles again, or doing the school’s dirty work in forcing him to do more of things that he’s already done a gazillion times before. On the other hand…frankly, for my own sanity, I need them to be someone else’s responsibility for a few hours a day. Tiffani, at Child’s Play, had this to say about 2e kids and learning today:

One thing I know is that if you have a 2e kid–creative, right brained, divergent thinking, gifted with significant learning differences–regardless of where they go to school, you are a homeschooler. You have to take their homework and then reteach it so they understand. You have to work, hard, with them to help it make sense and stay relevant. They may go to school every day, but the real learning probably only starts once they’re one on one with you.

She’s absolutely right, of course. I’m already a homeschooler, I just don’t get to choose the curriculum. Right now I’m making A learn what the school wants him to learn, while the school ignores the things that interest him, such as science. This morning we sat down to watch Bill Nye’s new educational series on algebra. How much do my boys want to learn? They RACED through their morning chores so they could watch a DVD on algebra before school. They loved it. A was excited to learn about exponents, and ratios, and how negative numbers are just numbers on the number line, on the other side of zero. What will he do in math today? Drill and kill on multiplication and division, where he’ll maybe hit 60% accuracy and feel like a failure. Here at home? Watch out, he’ll smoke you in Monopoly, using those very same skills and not know it.

Winter break is going to be a break from the homework battles (and really, is there a better way to kill the love of reading than filling out a reading log?), but an increase in actual learning. Museums and learning games and reading for fun (RULE #1: NO.READING.LOGS.). If you think you’re playing me in Spore on Facebook, um, no, you’re playing an eight year old who hijacks my account every afternoon.

I’m still 100% behind the charter school as it goes through the appeal process, but I’m also actively investigating private schools and homeschooling. If it wasn’t such a raging PITA, I’d consider moving to be closer to a great school.

I’m just sick of sacrificing my sons’ education at the alter of their schooling.

It never ceases to amaze me how dependent on technology society is. I’m convinced that if all the technological advances of the last 150 years simultaneously failed we’d be at a loss as to how to create fire. Screwed is what I’m saying here.

My laptop is still off partying with Computer Guru, and now the house phone line is kaput. Dead. Simply static. Tom is on a rapid-fire business trip to Chicago and back today and got a busy signal when he tried calling. No voice mail, just nada. Yay! I get to call phone-tree hellQwest! Hopefully Guru has my cell number, ’cause if Princess is done today and I don’t find out because of another technological SNAFU, the irony may just kill me.

Relying on my iPhone (oh, let me whisper sweet, obscene nothings to you, my love) and a commandeered borrowed computer has impressed upon me the wisdom of moving more of my life to the cloud. I can access my calendar through the iPhone (whisper, whisper) and MobileMe; my to-do list through the iPhone (call me…) and  ToodleDo; and Facebook through the iPhone (why don’t you call?) and any commandeered borrowed computer. Email is killing me. I’ve been happy with my Earthlink account for years, but with more of my life being lived online, I need an email account that changes as I read on the iPhone (you’re pretty…). So I’m starting the painful and arduous task of changing my email address to gmail accounts. If I understand it correctly, I can set it up so that changes made on the iPhone (I love you…) show up on a commandeered borrowed computer, and vice versa. Right now it ain’t so, and deleting messages twice and relying on spotty memory for replies is losing its charm. Just doing this at the holidays has about as much appeal as learning to create fire.\

I must go enter phone-tree hell call Qwest now. And then follow that up with a trip to the post office to mail the remaining Christmas gifts. And, just to make the day absolutely complete with a trifecta of fun, I plan to break something so that I can spend several hours being ignored at the ER.

My friend Jennie, who can be found at The Soapdish, wrote recently of her husband’s trip to Kenya to assist at an orphanage. Many of these kids are AIDS orphans, left with nothing in a country that has little. Her pride as she wrote of her husband’s trip was palpable.

On Saturday, just days after her husband’s safe return, she posted of an attack on the orphanage that occurred right after he left. (Please click through to read) The horror of the attack on those young, innocent children is beyond words.

So I will leave you with this. On this World AIDS Day, in this holiday season, just days after we in the States gave thanks for all the blessings we have in our life…What are YOU doing for the least amongst us?