Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

First things first.

I know how blessed I am.

I discussed this very topic over at Hopeful Parents the other day. While I know it, and remind myself of it often, sometimes I just get pissy.

All moms need a break, a respite, a chance to get the hell away and recoup. Some get that break, most don’t. And what we see on the outside isn’t always what is going on on the inside. A mom could be handling things just fine, but on the inside her brain is melting and desperately needs some time to herself, where she has no responsibility other than choosing what to put in her coffee. Or what kind of wine to enjoy. Or if she wants fresh-cracked pepper on her heirloom lettuce salad.

This was to be my weekend. My chance to get the hell outta Dodge, to make no decisions, to sit and read and write and think and have no responsibilities whatsoever. I figured I needed about a day and a half to get caught up on the computer work that has dogged me for weeks and another day to just be a slug. I’d return home refreshed and ahead, in preparation for my husband traveling for the better part of the next several weeks.

You know what they say about the best laid plans, right?

Tom has a titchy back. I have now dubbed her “Bernice,” simply because I like assigning names to things, and because he’s not here right now to weigh in. Bernice is a jealous bitch. Bernice does not like to be ignored. Bernice is a Mean Girl. Bernice showed up unannounced and unwelcome to our weekend away at a five star resort. Tom is technically working, but I had planned to retire to the deliciously opulent room and disappear from the world for awhile. Bernice showed up and I just couldn’t. Tom had to take a muscle relaxant so he could function, and I couldn’t leave him alone. I needed to make sure he was ok, that he was sitting as much as he could, that he wouldn’t keel over. No matter what, my family comes first.  He’s ok today (so far), but I lost all of Friday.

I know how blessed I am to even be here, despite Bernice’s arrival. I know this. I know that the world is in terrible shape in so many ways, and that this is incredibly minor in the grand scheme of things. I feel guilty even feeling this way.

But.

I really needed this weekend. Not just wanted, but needed. Tom is traveling much of the next few weeks. My stress level in the last few weeks has gotten worrisome (when my left eye starts twitching and/or I get throbbing pressure behind it, I know I’m deep into the red zone). I’m scared and worried about the future. I feel guilty that I’m not better supporting my family. I get to the end of each day and wonder where the hell the time went, and if my whole life is going to be like that, eventually looking back at my life and wondering where it went. I just needed a few days to myself, to hit the restart button and maybe slow down that out-of-control treadmill of life for a bit. February, my least favorite month of the year, starts Monday. Past Februarys haven’t been kind to me. I was hoping to have built up a bit of reserves before it got here.

Again, I am insanely blessed in my life.

But if Bernice, that bitch, shows her damned face again anytime soon, I’m going to rip it off.

That I also write at Hopeful Parents?

And today is my day for posting?

And I have a post up today?

And my parents are visiting?

And Tom and I are leaving in the morning for a few days away?

And that this is all I got today in my wee widdle bwain?

Yeah, I’m sure you figured it out by now.

I participated in the very first Twitter #gtchat yesterday. Both of them, actually. And…learned that they’re a lot more fun when you have your Twitter settings on public because then people hear you when you talk. My dark technology karma continues. Live and learn, Jen, live and learn. So if you are here from #gtchat, welcome! Glad you came by. I do have to warn you, however, that I do not write exclusively on giftedness and twice-exceptionalities. I mean, I suppose I could, but I’m fairly certain I’d go insane rather quickly. Long walk off a short pier sort of thing. I can’t write completely about 2e for the same reason that I have a huge library of books on giftedness/intensities/2e/ADHD, and have read very few of them. By the time I get the peace I need to read and concentrate, the last thing I want to do is read about the craziness that has me craving that very peace and concentration. So I crawl into bed with the latest Funny Times, laugh, and have more pleasant dreams.

So no 2e today, just random laughs. While the search terms bringing people here aren’t nearly as funny as some, still I sometimes look at the phrase and wonder just what the hell is going on in the world, and why people thought the answers would be found here.

• why am i ageing so fast
  Well, going out on a limb here, but if you have kids, there’s your answer. Want to age faster? I’ll send you mine. My hair can’t handle much more covering the gray coloring enhancement.
• adult projectile poop
  Please, whoever you are, stay away from my house. My sons are finally to the “wiping their own butts” age, and I can throw the dog outside if she poops on the floor. I have enough shit in my life, I need no help from you. Oh, and good luck with that. Might want to add some fiber to your diet.
• blogging sites for kids/kids blogging sites/kids blogging websites
  I get an amazing amount of hits on this. If I knew what I was doing, I’d start a blogging platform for kids, but I can barely run my own blog, so that’s out for a future career. But I totally know what I’d love to see on a kids’ blogging platform, so if anyone out there wants to partner up, I’m your gal. In the meantime, I recommend a Blogger site and protect the absolute hell out of it.
• Intuniv
  Oh, the hits just keep on comin’! Every day there is at least one new search on Intuniv and my heart just breaks. I know the person searching is likely a parent trying to get some answers or figure out if the new ADHD would work for his/her kid. Chewing it? Yes, your kid will likely be fine if he chews it. He’ll enjoy the gag-inducing flavor of a drug not meant to be chewed, but it can be done without your child growing a third arm. Why must you wean slowly off Intuniv? Because it’s essentially a blood pressure lowering drug, and if you simply stop, the kid’s blood pressure will shoot through the roof as a rebound. At least that’s how I understood it when A’s doctor explained it. No longer working? Sorry to hear that. Apparently the perfect ADHD drug is still a myth.

Crap. That was a 2e-related note. I’ll try harder…

• tripitis sex
  Is this supposed to be “triplets” or “trapeze?” A new gender? Is it contagious? And seriously, how’d you end up here? Bet you were disappointed as hell!
• tiruba tuba
  Knowing tuba players, you might want to hook up with the tripitis sex searcher. You likely have a lot in common.
• full moon and adhd
  Yes, yes, and yes. And also the answer to why you’re aging so fast.

Oh, and did you know the evil rob0ts are after us again? Yeah, so say the boys. And gummy bears are chasing them too. Sounds like a bad LSD trip, but is just a Saturday of imaginative play. Uh-oh! The ship is about to blast off, J went through the airlock, and A is now controlling the robots’ minds. Good times, good times.

The world didn’t end! The sky didn’t come crashing down! After roughly seventy straight days of posting every day (thank you, NaBloPoMo, for getting me started), I missed this weekend. And…nothing happened. Well, my stats went all roadkill on me, but life went on. I could sit and state the eleventy-billion reasons for my inexplicable absence, but it was just a case of life happened.

And oatmeal.

Never heard of the Oatmeal Festival? You’re missing out. Seriously, it is a celebration of all things oaty, with the world’s largest topping bar. I met Maris of In Good Taste there (a lovely gal) and had a tasty breakfast. Dude, oatmeal with Nutella, macadamia nuts, and butterscotch chips is the breakfast of champions. I did pass on the sour gummy worms though. I have standards you know.

And rocks.

Rocks. So harmless out in nature, so dangerous in the hands of little boys. A threw a rock at J yesterday…may I present a most impressive shiner (sorry I forgot to tell you mom):

It’s even gotten more colorful since I took these pictures this morning. I may be taking bets on “What Color is J’s Eye Today?” as the days go on. We’re calling it a “bad decision accident,” as it happened when A was revving himself to hyper and didn’t/couldn’t think. He feels terrible, and I’ve never seen him so contrite. Every time he looks at his brother, he’s reminded of what he did. I think it’s a good lesson for him.

And health insurance.

We found out on Friday that our monthly health insurance is going up almost $300 a month, for the privilege of an insanely high deductible plan. To say we are not happy would be a great understatement. In a year when the economy finally looked our way and thought, “Hmm, things are going too well over there, time to screw with them,” we have income going way down and insurance going way up. Those are the wrong directions for sleep-filled nights.

And job searching.

There doesn’t appear to be a huge demand for hiring a woman who’s been the CEO/CFO/COO of House of Chaos, Inc. for the last several years. A job for me is out there, we just haven’t been properly introduced yet. And once we meet, flirt, and exchange promise rings, we’ll have a hard time keeping our hands out of each other’s back pockets and playing tonsil hockey under the bleachers. I just want it to show up in the next few weeks (see previous note on sleep-filled nights).

See? Life happened. Just your standard weekend here.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, right? Perhaps that’s why I don’t really make New Year’s Resolutions; I don’t need to pave the road any smoother. Dropping the F-bomb at in front of my kids will do that just fine thankyouverymuch.

But this year I’m caving a bit on my anti-Resolutions stance. I have a few things I want to, and need to accomplish this year. Nothing insane like running a marathon, noooo thanks. (Side note: the current Olympic Gold Medalist in woman’s marathon lives in my town. Five below zero this morning as I’m driving to yoga and I see her out for a run. Every time I see her, all I can think is, “THAT is an Olympic runner.” No idea if she lives in my neighborhood…hello? Olympic Runner. She could be MILES from home.) But things like:

1. I’m going to read all the gifted/twice-exceptional books/raising intense kids books I have in my ever-growing library. My current method of purchase, admire, place on shelf is not doing much for the actual absorption of information.
2. Tonight I’m starting a Healthy Living Challenge class at the local rec center. A 12 week class on, well, living healthier. I weighed in on Saturday at One Hundred and I ATE A SMALL CHILD and by the end of the class I want that down to One Hundred and I ATE A SMALL DOG, and by the end of May to One Hundred and I CAN LIVE WITH THIS. Best case scenario I look and feel great. Worst case scenario I fail miserably, hate myself, and run off to live in a Twinkies factory.
3. It’s time to crack down on myself, career-wise. Things are looking titchy for 2010 and I either need to bring in a paycheck or pare down even further. As I happen to like my internet access and iPhone, I’m searching out jobs. It’s Rock vs. Hard Place, the rematch: long-term I know what I want to do but it’ll take time to be profitable, short-term we’re looking at possible private school for next fall. So. Me=cracking down. This is also tied in with #1.
4. Then there’s the whole keep the cultivate patience/positive thinking using humor/be better at everything I do/drown my perfectionism area that is consistently on any list like this I create. Yes, I see the irony of those four being all together.

Will I do it all? Yes. Will I do it all well? Probably not. Hey! Maybe that should be my Resolution this year: actually succeed at all my Resolutions. Yeah, I’m just a riddle wrapped in an enigma suffocating in a maze.

Party like it’s 1999 2009. And let’s all lift a glass to a healthy, prosperous, and BETTER 2010!

(I struggled with whether or not I should post this, and took several days to get out what I needed to say without it seeming like I was making mountains out of molehills; A does that enough for the whole state, I don’t need to contribute.)
***********************************************************************************

When I first started this little writing project here four years ago, A was almost five and J about 18 months. I was blissfully anonymous and they were young. Writing about them was easier then.

And then they got older, and A’s various issues, mainly coming back to his twice-exceptionalities, got more intense. I wrote about nearly all of them, even ones I was certain I would never cover. Almost all came out, and I found so many supporters and fellow travelers on this path we never, ever expected. You don’t expect to have a gifted kid who is also (insert various learning disability/emotional issue here). Just not covered in the baby books. So finding others in similar situations was a blessing.

“If you decide to confide in others, you’ll discover you’re not alone.”

I live by this motto. I also believe that if I confide in others, they’ll discover they’re not alone. But it also comes with an increasing lack of privacy.

A few weeks ago, I was at a “OMG, it’s winter break!” playgroup/FAC (Friday Afternoon Cocktails) and someone mentioned how much she enjoyed my Facebook postings, that they always made her laugh. I grinned and said something along the lines of her discovering my Walter Mitty fantasy, being a writer. She asked if I had a blog, and I flat-out said yes. It’s on my Facebook info page, it’s not something I’m hiding, I’ve told IRL friends about it…but it still caught me by surprise.

See, some of the things I write here could easily be misinterpreted by people who know me outside of the computer screen, who know my sons in real life. While I try to be every bit as ME online and off, I’m considerably wordier and open here. I’m not about to go up to a friend and talk about giftedness. That generally doesn’t go over well. It’s like SENG’s description: “What does she have to worry about? Her kid is gifted!” I live that, plus A’s giftedness generally doesn’t show itself unless you’re sitting and talking to him. In group settings, you see the kid trying to get others to play by his rules, or freaking out over the volume of the kids (even though he’s plenty loud himself), or upset by the unfairness of groupthink.

“If you decide to confide in others, you’ll discover you’re not alone.”

I’m not going to tone down what I write here, unless my sons ask me to. I’m going to keep the level of relative anonymity I have now, unless I see the need to change. I suspect I have some lurkers who know me IRL, and that’s ok, it doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is that what I write here could easily be used as gossip, which could then trickle down to the kids who know my sons. (This also goes for extended family members, too). If someone reads here and wants to talk (or chat with someone else to send my way) about twice-exceptionalities or asynchronous development or giftedness and how poorly it’s addressed in the schools, then I will bend over backwards to talk and help. But if what I write here becomes neighborhood gossip fodder, that worries/saddens/angers me. Yes, I know what I put here is Out There, for God and the whole world to see, but I do it to find I’m not alone, and help others not be alone on this confusing journey.

I know I’m not struggling with this alone; mommy blogs tend to be slammed for writing about their kids. Raising kids isn’t all sunshine and roses, I think the honesty of mommy blogs brings that front and center, and that makes people uncomfortable.

I guess this whole post can be summed up as such: I will talk openly and at length about anything I write about here, to anyone…but please don’t gossip. It can poison in hidden ways anyone it touches.

Are you familiar with the game “Would You Rather…?” Quick rundown for the uninitiated: you’re presented with two equally distasteful situations, and you get to pick which one you prefer. Kind of an interesting look into someone’s mind. For example, would you rather:

• Give birth with absolutely no drugs whatsoever, when you were planning for a pleasant epidural?
  OR
• Have a severely colicky baby who doesn’t sleep for five solid months?

See? Neither situation is remotely palatable. (For the record, I have endured both scenarios, and I’d go with the unplanned drug-free birth every.single.time.)

I’m living this game right now.

JEN! You’ve been selected for the next round of Would!You!Rather?! LIVE! Ok, here are your scenarios, are you ready? Would you rather…

• Homeschool your twice-exceptional son with the poor impulse control and low frustration level?
  OR
• Enter the workforce for the first time in 10 years so you can afford a private school that could help him?

The clock’s a’tickin’, Jen! You have until spring to figure it out! Choose wisely, and your son will thrive! Choose poorly, and your son will flounder even worse than he is now! Choose not at all, and you will lose him to a lifetime of underachievement and poor self-esteem!

No Grand Prize, but lots of booby prizes. Good times, good times.

So I’ve been trolling Craigslist and the local school districts, trying to get a feel for what is available for me, job-wise. Unfortunately, what I’ve discovered is that I’m too qualified for the positions I’d be hired for, and not qualified enough for the positions I could do well. And returning to the classroom is not an option. I get enough of attitude and crap from my own kids, I can’t teach anymore. That’s a decision I made 10 years ago and I’m sticking to it.

My ideal job, for me right now, is part time working in gifted advocacy/education. Does it exist? Probably not, but if it were a perfect world, A wouldn’t be having such difficulties in school and this wouldn’t be an issue. So I search, and I tinker with my resume, and I read up on homeschooling challenging children. There’s really no perfect answer, but I’ll take “good enough for now.”

‘Cause someday, I want to play a different version of this game…

JEN! You nailed your previous round of Would!You!Rather?! LIVE! and get to advance to the bonus round! Ready? Would you rather…

• Take an around-the-world cruise with your husband, all-expenses paid, with a tutor for your sons so they can come along and have a once-in-a-lifetime education, and not have to plan it or lift a finger except to sample a local delicacy?
  OR
• Have the above trip but with Jamie Bamber along simply to feed you those local delicacies?

‘Cause that is a version of this game I could totally rock.

Stupid blizzard. All last week we la-dee-dahed our way through the Christmas prep, vaguely knowing that there was wicked bad weather in the midwest. Didn’t bother us; we’d already done our holiday travel at Thanksgiving and weren’t going anywhere.

Yesterday my family called from Chicago…my brother, who has been stationed in Germany for the last 22 months, was home. Two months early. And they had planned to jump in the car early yesterday to drive out here and surprise us. The <insert strongly worded profanity here> Christmas blizzard prevented them from coming out.

I am so relieved he and his wife are home. I’ve missed them. He has some leave while he searches for a civilian job, so they’ll be out soon. They mentioned New Year’s, and boy, I hope so. Otherwise it’ll probably be late January. He and A are two of a kind, and watching them together is a joy.

So…Ma Nature? Give it up already. I wanna see my widdle bwudder and mommy and daddy.

*******************************************

I also have a post up at Hopeful Parents today. C’mon by!

Recovered from Christmas yet? I haven’t. See, a certain little 8 year old boy didn’t fall asleep on Christmas Eve until nearly midnight. Excitement, worry about daddy who wasn’t home from singing a later church service… Oh, and he rigged his door open so he could hear everything. Needless to say, it was late when we got to bed. And then Christmas burst into our room at the unholy hour of 5:15. That’s a.m., folks. Yesterday morning was spent pouring Bailey’s into coffee, and yesterday afternoon was spent pouring diet Pepsi down my throat. There indeed was a nap (by me) and hyperactivity (the boys). We didn’t leave the house yesterday, didn’t leave the house today. Might want to venture out tomorrow before we all get cabin fever and try to chew each others legs off. Don’t care to start 2010 missing a limb.