Dear Fragments, you ole’ So and So…

 

Dear Computer Guru,
Please call. Why don’t you call? Princess the PMSing Laptop has been with you for a week and a half now (not including the week before Thanksgiving). I know you’re waiting for the new hard drives to be be delivered, but a week and a half? I’m on a slowly dying HP desktop (are we seeing a theme here?) with a mouse that sticks and a keyboard that’s all wonky. I have to read and answer email on the website, which is clunky and a PITA. I haven’t pined over the phone ringing like this since I was in middle school. Oh, how I’d love to start out winter break with my laptop. Please call today.
Waiting for your call,
The woman who wants her laptop back
PS: Call me

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Dear self:
Yes, reading is fundamental. It makes you happy. A good story transports you to another time and place. However, when that time and place is within a seriously dystopian piece of literature, and you’re already having a rough week, be prepared for the Technicolor wackadoo dreams that will pop up.
Getting the Calvin and Hobbes books out for a mental enema,
She Who Would Like To Sleep Well Tonight

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Dear calves,
Step class was two days ago. Knock it the hell off already.
Limping and whining,
The person who resides above you

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Dear Winter Break,
You will arrive in approximately five hours, for a two and a half week visit. Please be gentle and use your very best manners. I would like to continue deluding myself that I could homeschool A, and if you’re a bitch of a guest I will have to toss out that idea and search for a job to afford private school. So please just remember to use your inside voice, put the toilet seat down, and your plates go into the dishwasher when you’re done. We need to start enforcing that rule, as Rosie the Wonder Basset can apparently make it to the top of the kitchen table, where this morning she enjoyed a late brunch of Granny Smith apples and chocolate chip pancakes.
Be good or I’ll drive you to the airport and leave you there,
The mama who’s looking forward to some rest

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Dear husband,
Thank you for starting up the dishwasher while I was at the 3rd grade Manners Breakfast this morning. However, you also dumped the coffee pot in the process. I got 1/2 cup of coffee this morning, there are no Vanilla Coke Zeros in the house, and I have a kindergarten Holiday party this afternoon. In the Stay At Home Mom world, this is known as A PERFECT STORM. Please be prepared for the unfortunate consequences.
Nuttin’ but love for ya,
Your cross-eyed from fatigue wife

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Dear awesome neighbor who is hosting a Beginning of Winter Break Playdate/Cocktails this afternoon,
I love you. Thank you for hosting this. I’ll bring some treats and the cattle prods to keep the kids in the other room (I’m fresh out of electrified barbed wire). Call me if you prefer duct tape; I can run out and buy holiday colors.
Save me some Bailey’s,
The One Who Didn’t Get Enough Coffee This Morning

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Dear Crappy Computer on which I’m currently typing,
What the hell, dude? Am I that picky about having a computer that WORKS? Opening websites, not crashing, not taking so long to open a window that I can get up and get a drink…is that really too much to ask? Really? You’re on my list now too, dude. Can I get a volume discount from the Apple Store? Frakkin’ POS. Shape up or I’m setting A on you to investigate the innards of a CPU.
Still waiting for Computer Guru to call and getting pissy,
The apparently impatient woman

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Have a great weekend, and don’t forget to check out other participants at Half-Past Kissing Time and 3 Bedroom Bungalow!