Jen’s Unbreakable Rules for Holiday Music

I was in the car with the boys the other day when…

Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
Jingle All the W….

STOP!!!!! No Christmas music in early November. Just no.

And so, like other important discussions that must be had only in the car, like peer pressure and drugs and sex, I had to have the When Christmas Music Is Acceptable Talk.

Rule One.

If Santa has made his appearance at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (hopefully with his pants still around his hips and not his ankles) and the confetti is flying and the credits are rolling and you can smell a gently roasting fowl, then and only then you may start to play (and sing) holiday music. Not a freaking moment before. The band could be marching down 34th Street, you could see just the merest glimpse of Santa, and I’d still say no. Santa, confetti, credits. Then music.

Rule Two.

Rule One may be bypassed IF AND ONLY IF your area (not your mom’s, not your college roommate’s, not your Facebook friends’ area) is under a Winter Storm Warning. Not an Advisory, not a Watch, not a measly little Alert. Winter.Storm.Warning. The kind of storm where you stock up on rock salt, bread, wine, toilet paper, and duct tape (for the kiddies). If Tom Freaking Skilling is shooting off meteorological record-breaking statistics like a machine gun AND doing the two handed point at the map, that is the kind of Winter Storm Warning I’m talking about. THEN you can play music before Santa, confetti, and credits.

Why Jen, you seem to have some pretty strong feelings about when to play, listen to, and sing Christmas music. Why is that? Are you possessed?

Yes indeed, I am possessed of a music education degree. And for the two long years I taught (each of which felt like Picard living a second life in an hour), we had to start holiday music in October. OCT-freaking-OBER. Colorado in October can hit 85 degrees. Teaching This Holiday Selection Passed Inspection by the Board of Education and the PC Patrol in October made for a very, very long fall and a very wearying holiday season. My cheer had ho-ho-hoed right on outta there long before Santa waved hello.

So no holiday music before next Thursday. None. I watched a little TV the other night (rare for me these days) and was about to chuck the remote through the screen when I remembered there was a mute button and I did know how to use it. But once we have the official Santa, confetti, and credits go-ahead, it’s all holiday music all the time for the season, which brings me to

Rule Three.

Holiday music can and will be enjoyed from a variety of sources, including but not limited to: school concerts, adult ensemble concerts, Pandora channels (I have probably close to ten), house-to-house caroling, and your worship service of choice. BUT!

Rule Three Point One.

At bedtime of the 25th of December, all holiday music returns to the DO NOT PLAY THIS UNTIL SANTA, CONFETTI, AND CREDITS vault, and the regularly scheduled music of choice may resume.

One more week, people. Contain yourselves.